Life goes on

More of my blogging at:
http://aslightlylongengagement.blogspot.com/
Where I'm going on about my up coming wedding...

Graduation

I graduated with as a Master of Speech Pathology Studies on the 12/12/2008,
Here is a photo of me and my sweety.

I passed!

I'm graduating NEXT WEEK!!!

What we worry about

Talking to Ri the other day and found out that we worry about different things.

Ri worries about what is going to happen, ie., will we have enough money for all the wedding stuff and our honeymoon. Now to me, this doesn't make sense, its happening in the future, there is still time to do things about it.
I am worried about exam results and if I will graduate. Totally illogical says Ri as there is nothing I can do, so why worry?

Hmmmmmm.

I think I passed

Our last exam was an eight question exam and at question five I thought to myself.
Oh Sh!t. I think that I have passed.
This is NOT what I want.
This is NOT what happens to ME.
I am not the person who gets past a car accident, my father having a heart attack, my fiance lossing BOTH of his grandparents and go on to graduate.
No, I'm the one that needs to take an extra semester, and thats ok.

So I've applied for graduation.

I'm still waiting for something to go wrong.

I cannot really be graduating.

A free cup of Coffee

I arrived two hours early, before my last exam, to look around campus and have something to eat and a cup of coffee.
I went to the opposite side of campus and found Gabby the lovely coffee lady, who I have known and spoken to since I start my first degree 6 years ago. Of all the faces to come and go, I guess she is the one that was there for the whole six years.
I told her it was my last day, and she shouted me a cup of my favourite coffee.
Alpine (white chocolate).
Either an alpine iced coffee, or an alpine cappacino.
One time when I went to order an alpine cappacino I was so TIRED and couldnt seem to get words out right and ordered an al-pacino.
My brother found this pretty funny.

Today

My last ever exam is today and I want to pass.
I want to pass to stick it to all those who thought that I wouldnt graduate from primary school let alone a masters degree.
If I pass this exam I have done a two year degree, in which there is a 40% drop out rate.
It'll stick it to those who said I couldn't. The nerve of pulling me aside and telling me to see a Dr before I continued on with my degree and "got myself in too deep and wasted my time."
Prehistoric hicks. They tell me this after one day of me OBSERVING them. Watching me, watching them.
Mental cases with no boundaries. Or clearly had not studied up on the Anti-Discrimination Act 1992. Back in their years Integrated Case management or Professional Issues must not have been subjects.
It makes me so mad just thinking about how I was treated.
Anyhow, I'll have to rant about the double standards and such once I have finished. I really need to study two approaches to dysarthria therapy.
Yay.

And it all comes down to this

Hello,
There is one last exam left to go.
The video exam.
I am terrified and am in so much pain that it is not funny.
I cannot see myself passing this exam.
It's not because I see myself failing it, but if I pass it then that is it. I'm out of UQ and into the workplace.
I really should study but my neck and back will not stop yelling at me in pain.
I'll let you know how it all goes.

Rhys's Grand-Ma

Rhys's Grand-Ma died on Friday.
Suddenly in comparison to his Grand-dad.
I not so secretly believe that they needed each other and find the idea of passing away within a couple of months of your other half... romantic? Lacking a better word.
I think its nice to know two strong and intelligent people still needed someone else.
Maybe its the wedding planning that gets us thinking like this, because his grand-ma also smoked like a chimney and her lungs gave out.
No I still believe that after the death of his Grand-dad she just 'gave up.'
So Rhys is going back to Tully, to say good bye to the other half of his paternal grand parents.

Breaks my heart that I have two exams next week, because I want to be there for him.

Selfish note: It makes me miss my Aunty Joan, who passed away early December 2007, sometimes its so easy to forget that she isn't in Melbourne, waiting for our next visit. She'd be so proud that I am about to graduate, again.

Note: A library named after Ri's Grand-ma.
http://www.libraries.slq.qld.gov.au/home/services/cassowary_coast/dorothy_jones_library

"I'm passing you"

My CE told me yesterday morning that I have passed my final clinical placement. I just could not believe it. I was so happy/relieved that I burst into tears and even managed to get my CE teary. It just means SO much to me. Completing this degree in two years when 'normal' students drop out for a year, or drop subjects because the workload is so demanding, the idea that I could do this and they could not, is crazy for me.
I was pulled aside at my first clinical observation and told by a really unethical Speechie that I should have "seen a dr before starting my degree and should think about seeing someone before I got myself in to deep and wasted my time."
Now I will have her degree. Well sort of, she did the undergrad, so I'll have the masters version of her degree.

I shouldnt get ahead of myself, I have a report to write, a group thesis to work on (going great guns girls) and two exams to pass...

Yikes. Thats it?

Then I'm done at UQ?

Year number 24, Sept 2007-2008

So I am 24 years old now.
And what a waste of a year!
Well no not really, I guess I was doing my masters and Rhys did ask me to marry him.

Side note: I am so over people saying "Its about time", we were 19/20 when we started dating and 22/23 when he proposed, we were young, we are still young and thats why I insisted on a 2 year + engagement.

Anyway, the big things of my 24th year:

I guess it could be said that Ri and I only started living together "full time" in my 24th year, as prior to that he was on site 11 days of a fortnight.

I had an afternoon at the Regatta, after our final exam of 07, that resulted in me not being able to drink white wine since. *shutters*

We went to Melbourne and I experience my first O'D christmas. The most Christmas-y people on the planet.

Rhys asked me to marry him - twice.

I got to pick a diamond ring from Tiffany's.

We looked at many beautiful reception venues before deciding on the most perfect place for us and our history as UQ students.

I went to a wedding on the 08/08/08.

My father had heart problems and was in hospital for a while.

I was in a car accident and my neck still fricking cains.

I had two fantastic clinical placements and two that I could easily have lived without.

I did a full 180 on my career path. Adults, out. Children with disabilities, in.

I figured out that I do want to have children one day. Just not for a few years, think 2014.

My best friend told me she was pregnant, and is expecting a girl in Feb.

So I'm one month into year number 25, and it is scary. It looks like I am going to graduate this year. I know that is why I started this blog, but I cannot believe it.
Next week is our last week of classes, our thesis is due and clinic comes to an end.

I am going to cry, UQ has been a part of my identity for the past six years. It would have been interesting to have kept a blog during that whole time.

I said to mum the other day:
"I did pretty good from UQ, I got two degrees, one useful and a future husband, not bad at all"

Last Month

In one month. I have my last exam.
Next week: Community Ed is due
The week after: thesis is due
Clinic finishes.
One week of swotvac and then two exams one on 4th of November the other on the 6th...

Save the date

Save this date

2nd May 2010

This is the day Ri and I are getting Married!

Last 'real' lecture

We had our last real lecture on Friday.
I wonder what the tally board of 'lectures Vic has missed or skipped' looks like. Over six years I can imagine I have missed hours and hours and hours of lectures.

To be honest it could add up to weeks straight of just lectures.

I get so fatigued, sick at least once a semester or have an attitude problem (do you really think that I'm doing to a lecture call "attitude to disability" and listen to you pretend like the attitude of people has really changed).

'sif.

I wonder if my class mates went to these lectures. If they did evidence of the inability to change peoples minds about treating people with "special needs" came, ever so tragically, when our lecturer could a poll of the room and asked who would treat someone with special needs differently if they had the same problem.
No. I clicked the second I had read the question.
80% of the class said yes.
My stomach just sank. Oh how easy it must be for them to say that when they do not know what it feels like to be labelled and treated differently for the same problem.
This was the first time my heart went out to this lecturer, as from her face, I could tell she felt she had failed in getting her message across.
The logic, you are different therefor, it is only logical to treat you differently. Way to strong in peoples mind sets.

I'm worried, as these people are health professionals.

I put my hand up and gave a (hopefully) passionate little rant as to why they should have said no. I think I heard someone asked to poll again after I had finished.

Twenty four! Twenty FOUR.

Next week I will be turning twenty four.
This casts my mind to that episode of sex and the city when Carrie turns 35 and at the table next to her there are twenty-somethings, they plop the cake down in front of the woman seated at that table when the she drunkenly screams, "25! FUCK I'm old"
Ha, you see. The point is that she isnt really old. Carrie is.
And I'm a whole year away from THAT anyway. And 11 years from 35.
I'm still young dammit. Although, to be honest I haven't felt 23 in months, I feel like I'm a couple of years older. I don't know why. I might be the whole finishing my Masters and planning to get married thing. I never planned to be married before I was 30. I will be 25 when I become Mrs Jones. FUCK, when I put it on the screen, that sounds so young. But I cannot imagine waiting any longer than 5 years to marry this annoyingly perfect man.
A uni friend of mine has recently become engaged at 37, she is the best, and I would not believe her when she said she was 37. She makes me feel so young.
I will have to do a reflection of the last year.
I remember telling some GEMS in the labs last year that I was turning 23 and that I felt old. They all took a minute to try to remember what they were doing when they were my age.
This year I feel young. Like I'm just about to start out as a 'real' adult.
I feel like my 25th year will be a dramatic one. Being 24, leaving uni, planning a wedding, did I mention leaving uni? Not that my twenty fourth year was lacking drama...
I really should feed Ky.
Night xoxo Vic

Rhys's Grand-Dad

Rhys's Grand-Dad died last weekend.
We were up in Tully in July, because he had come pretty close to death then, and I was almost convinced that he and Ri's grandma would live together in a home in Tully for a few more years. The funeral was today, Ri has gone and I feel helpless, I want to be by his side, like I wanted to be at my mum's side when her sister, my aunty, died last December. But this degree, this bloody degree, sometimes it has to come first. My stomach sinks when I think about not being there at these times and I hope that in the future I do not regret my decision to stay behind.
I'd only met Ri's Grand-dad twice, Christmas 06 and July 08. He seemed like a strong man with a massive presence, even though I only knew him as a man who had suffered a stroke years before meeting him, a stroke that cost him physical mobility. He was an engineer, like Ri's dad is an Engineer, like Ri is an Engineer.
When we went to visit in July, Ri's grand-dad wasn't anywhere near as lucid as he was when I first met him in December 06. But there was a moment, when we were saying goodbye for the last time, that always brings tears to my eyes. Ri's grand-dad shook Ri's hand and in a moment of lucidity said "It was good to know you mate."

The last thing my Aunty said to me was that I was smart not to be getting married just yet. Ah in some things she was just like her damn sister.

My dads heart

The week after the car accident, my father had a cardio-vascular event. My daddy, went to mums emergency department with chest pain. She got mad at him for showing up at her place of work. I gently tried to point out to her that her place of work is the local hospital and to me that presents as a perfectly logical place to go.
He spent a while in hospital, then this week received a thingy to help the blood pass by the partial blockage.
He has made a promise to me that he will lose weight in time for our wedding.
He will be within the normal range. I'm on his case like white on rice.
I love my daddy, and of my family members he is being the nicest and most interested in our wedding, which came as a bit of a shock, but I'm happy at least one of them gives a damn.

Car accident

On Friday, last week, I was driving along a windy road in St Lucia when a driver pulled out of their driveway to turn right. They didn’t see me, and as a result I drove head on into the side of their car. I had two passengers in the car with me. No one was hurt. Well except maybe me. The car was seriously damaged. I didnt actually see the damage myself, but from the drivers seat I saw the peoples faces when they saw the damage and judging by the looks it got, the damage was bad.
I had just turned a corner and was not going very fast as I was just speeding up, so my foot had been on the accelerator when I saw the car. I quickly swapped my foot to the breaks and just left my foot there until impact, which was so dumb. When we crashed I swear I felt the force of the impact in my foot and ankle. I went to my doctor who pointed out bruises and pains I did not know I had. I was in shock and in a state of panic. I cried, non-stop, for hours. For the first time in my life I had high blood pressure.
I’m still feeling on edge and even though I have a lot of support, I feel really alone and behind with my uni work. Before the accident I was just getting by week by week before. Now I feel overwhelmed. Because I have no obvious signs of injury or any broken bones, I feel like... It is hard to describe. I'm asking for consideration and extra time for something that people cannot see, which is pain. I have so much back and neck pain.
I’m in class right now and I just want to cry again.
The other “party” in the accident were good sports, they took full responsibility and seemed quite concerned about my health.
I miss my car. I miss it so much. I cannot take public transport so I am 100% depended on Rhys and my family for lifts to uni. It is so painful. I’m very greatful that they’ve taken the time to help me out, but I miss my independence.
I'm getting exhausted so quickly.
I feel so dizzy and overwhelmed after being at uni for about an hour.
I'm back at clinic again tomorrow. My CE has been very kind too, I am so worried about not reaching entry level.
I think I need to talk to her about it. I want to graduate more than I have ever wanted anything.
I have lost so much this week.

Right now, what sucks.

• Rhys is in NZ
• Rhys will be in NZ for another week and a bit
• Bro was suppose to stay here tonight and help me in the morning, but bailed while I was in a lecture
• the uni is changing my clinical placement four weeks into a 13 week semester
• you dont understand I HAVE TO START AGAIN
• new clinic
• new clinical educator
• I will just be getting settled when it will be time for my mid way evaluation
• I AM EXHAUSTED.
• But next week... I'll have some good news.

Our Engagement Party

I had a GREAT time at our engagement party, it was a beautiful day after a week of rain. I didn't even notice the weather until on Tuesday my friend asked "what will you do if it rains?" and I was like "huh???" It didnt even cross my mind that it would rain in July! haha. Wednesday-Friday was all crappy rainy cold weather and then on Saturday, we woke up to a clear blue sky. It was amazing.
We went out of our way to make this party a little bit different.
We had a giant blank canvas that we drew squares on for people to paint in. (there were about 25 squares) people painted all sorts of things, from the backyard where we were holding the event, elephants, kittens, roses and a bundy can - its brillant and something we have to keep from our party as we asked people to donate to charity or give blood.

We had the groomsmen do a krispy kreme run. So the people could have donuts, which were REALLY popular. Krispy Kreme is new and in the city, so maybe lots of people hadnt tried them? They are so good!!! That went so quickly. Rhys put out two boxs, thinking he'd put out the others in a while. He turned around and the donuts were GONE. I was pleased with that.

We had a white-chocolate cake that was so good! It was white with the tiffany's blue writing on it. It tasted so good! and it was also eaten up pretty quickly.

We had a best man election, where the two guys who Rhys loves most in the world presented a one minute speech as to why they should be best man. Around 50 people voted, and the guy who won, won by one vote. It was a lot of fun and a bit different.

We had an anonymous advice box, where people could put in advice, either signed or not signed. My two favourites:
"Love is hugs" - Chole (my friends 3 y.o. daughter)
"For the Groom - 'Yes dear'" anon

My FMIL cried during her speech, and almost brought me to tears... I dont have a chance of getting through my wedding without crying.
My FFIL gave a beautiful speech about wishing us good luck... I wish I had it written down.
My dad, surprizingly, gave a nice speech too. I think he said we were good kids, who were taking their time to make an important/good decision. I was really touched.
I was told Rhys and I had to both give a speech to start this thing on equal footing... I hadn't prepared anything.
I couldn't believe Rhys said "Thank you for coming to help celebrate my love for Victoria" I almost fell flat...
I dont even remember what I said, winged it. I remember toasting Rhys at the end...

Notice anyone missing from the speeches?