Results are out tomorrow.

Results are out tomorrow.
Results are out tomorrow.
Results are out tomorrow.

Ah crap.

I just really want my GPA to stay up around 5.5. That is all I want. A more realistic desire might be to just pass this semester.
I walked out on my last exam with a migraine. It was one of the most horrific things that has happened to me during an exam, I just keep seeing a lecturer in my mind that said that there is no point in trying to sit an exam if you feel like crap. So I put my hand up and signed all the papers, went and saw my GP and will be sitting the exam in mid July. I feel like such an idiot, like I should have been that good that I could do this exam while trying to see straight.

I felt weak more than anything else.

I still need to start the results section for our masters project. These holidays feel like they are flying by! I looked at a calender and went, ok I'll have this week off, study this week, sit the exam this week, then do the results... oh wait no, we'll be back by then for semester two.

I have a really bad feeling about semester 1 2008. I honestly cannot say confidently that I feel like I made it through... yuk.

Oh well, I'll let you know.

One more hour

My final exam for this semester begins in about 1 hour and I am freaking out and I honestly dont know why. I dont think I even need to pass it to pass, its only worth 30%!

But I am just feeling physically sick and nervous. I keep trying to read the notes (just revision) and the adrenaline starts pumping and I cant think straight.

Good news: at this point in time 16 people are coming to our engagement party. We havent even set out the really invitations yet!

God I hope I pass all my exams, I really want to spend July chilling and indulging myself with a little bit of wedding research. I dont want to have to sit any supps.

I might have to for ANY of the exams I have sat! I have come out of all of them thinking...

Okay... WTF... I think I have the right answer but...
was it clear?
was it enough?
should I have memorised more literature?

I am beating myself up so much about my performance this semester.

As long as I get through this semester and next semester, I will be a speechie and that is all that matters.

One more day

In 24 hours I will be sitting my last ever final exam for a semester one. Unless I need to resit *taps wood.* My mood has changed dramatically today. They were giving away free V's at the main refect. How could that not cheer someone up from a mean case of the reds? V!
Ok, I gotta study psycholinguistics.

One more exam!

Then a month of intense wedding planning :P so I end up with two years of just waiting. hahaha.

Penultimate exam season

So here it is. My second last lot of final exams. Not extremely afraid of failing, not expecting to do fantastically either. I got a bit sick of speech pathology this semester. Sick of all the fluff. "Evidence Based Practice" my left foot. My CE's attitude and example wasnt great. I went to some lectures and sat there thinking. So what? No der. Get me the hell out of here.
So... do I want to be a speechie?
Absolutely.
Then what is wrong?
I feel like I'm missing something. I feel like everyone else in my class is one step ahead all the time. I feel like I contribute nothing to any projects, even when I do. I feel like my RA is an issue at every clinical placement, most places have been great about it, some have made me feel like nothing short of a waste of space. My passion and drive was slowly drained out of me when every week I had the feeling I was getting told that I lack the core skills that make a good speech pathologist. I dont want to study anymore I just want to cry.
I'm exhausted.
I'm stressed.
I'm sad.
and honestly I dont know what to do with myself.
And Rhys wonders why I want to start planning the wedding. Its become my happy place.
I've decided its probably just this semester and next semester it will be a fresh start with new educators and the finish line will be in sight.
This time next year I will be helping people! and making money! It seems impossibly far away...