Monday, December 1, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
What we worry about
Talking to Ri the other day and found out that we worry about different things.
Ri worries about what is going to happen, ie., will we have enough money for all the wedding stuff and our honeymoon. Now to me, this doesn't make sense, its happening in the future, there is still time to do things about it.
I am worried about exam results and if I will graduate. Totally illogical says Ri as there is nothing I can do, so why worry?
Hmmmmmm.
Ri worries about what is going to happen, ie., will we have enough money for all the wedding stuff and our honeymoon. Now to me, this doesn't make sense, its happening in the future, there is still time to do things about it.
I am worried about exam results and if I will graduate. Totally illogical says Ri as there is nothing I can do, so why worry?
Hmmmmmm.
I think I passed
Our last exam was an eight question exam and at question five I thought to myself.
Oh Sh!t. I think that I have passed.
This is NOT what I want.
This is NOT what happens to ME.
I am not the person who gets past a car accident, my father having a heart attack, my fiance lossing BOTH of his grandparents and go on to graduate.
No, I'm the one that needs to take an extra semester, and thats ok.
So I've applied for graduation.
I'm still waiting for something to go wrong.
I cannot really be graduating.
Oh Sh!t. I think that I have passed.
This is NOT what I want.
This is NOT what happens to ME.
I am not the person who gets past a car accident, my father having a heart attack, my fiance lossing BOTH of his grandparents and go on to graduate.
No, I'm the one that needs to take an extra semester, and thats ok.
So I've applied for graduation.
I'm still waiting for something to go wrong.
I cannot really be graduating.
A free cup of Coffee
I arrived two hours early, before my last exam, to look around campus and have something to eat and a cup of coffee.
I went to the opposite side of campus and found Gabby the lovely coffee lady, who I have known and spoken to since I start my first degree 6 years ago. Of all the faces to come and go, I guess she is the one that was there for the whole six years.
I told her it was my last day, and she shouted me a cup of my favourite coffee.
Alpine (white chocolate).
Either an alpine iced coffee, or an alpine cappacino.
One time when I went to order an alpine cappacino I was so TIRED and couldnt seem to get words out right and ordered an al-pacino.
My brother found this pretty funny.
I went to the opposite side of campus and found Gabby the lovely coffee lady, who I have known and spoken to since I start my first degree 6 years ago. Of all the faces to come and go, I guess she is the one that was there for the whole six years.
I told her it was my last day, and she shouted me a cup of my favourite coffee.
Alpine (white chocolate).
Either an alpine iced coffee, or an alpine cappacino.
One time when I went to order an alpine cappacino I was so TIRED and couldnt seem to get words out right and ordered an al-pacino.
My brother found this pretty funny.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Today
My last ever exam is today and I want to pass.
I want to pass to stick it to all those who thought that I wouldnt graduate from primary school let alone a masters degree.
If I pass this exam I have done a two year degree, in which there is a 40% drop out rate.
It'll stick it to those who said I couldn't. The nerve of pulling me aside and telling me to see a Dr before I continued on with my degree and "got myself in too deep and wasted my time."
Prehistoric hicks. They tell me this after one day of me OBSERVING them. Watching me, watching them.
Mental cases with no boundaries. Or clearly had not studied up on the Anti-Discrimination Act 1992. Back in their years Integrated Case management or Professional Issues must not have been subjects.
It makes me so mad just thinking about how I was treated.
Anyhow, I'll have to rant about the double standards and such once I have finished. I really need to study two approaches to dysarthria therapy.
Yay.
I want to pass to stick it to all those who thought that I wouldnt graduate from primary school let alone a masters degree.
If I pass this exam I have done a two year degree, in which there is a 40% drop out rate.
It'll stick it to those who said I couldn't. The nerve of pulling me aside and telling me to see a Dr before I continued on with my degree and "got myself in too deep and wasted my time."
Prehistoric hicks. They tell me this after one day of me OBSERVING them. Watching me, watching them.
Mental cases with no boundaries. Or clearly had not studied up on the Anti-Discrimination Act 1992. Back in their years Integrated Case management or Professional Issues must not have been subjects.
It makes me so mad just thinking about how I was treated.
Anyhow, I'll have to rant about the double standards and such once I have finished. I really need to study two approaches to dysarthria therapy.
Yay.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
And it all comes down to this
Hello,
There is one last exam left to go.
The video exam.
I am terrified and am in so much pain that it is not funny.
I cannot see myself passing this exam.
It's not because I see myself failing it, but if I pass it then that is it. I'm out of UQ and into the workplace.
I really should study but my neck and back will not stop yelling at me in pain.
I'll let you know how it all goes.
There is one last exam left to go.
The video exam.
I am terrified and am in so much pain that it is not funny.
I cannot see myself passing this exam.
It's not because I see myself failing it, but if I pass it then that is it. I'm out of UQ and into the workplace.
I really should study but my neck and back will not stop yelling at me in pain.
I'll let you know how it all goes.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Rhys's Grand-Ma
Rhys's Grand-Ma died on Friday.
Suddenly in comparison to his Grand-dad.
I not so secretly believe that they needed each other and find the idea of passing away within a couple of months of your other half... romantic? Lacking a better word.
I think its nice to know two strong and intelligent people still needed someone else.
Maybe its the wedding planning that gets us thinking like this, because his grand-ma also smoked like a chimney and her lungs gave out.
No I still believe that after the death of his Grand-dad she just 'gave up.'
So Rhys is going back to Tully, to say good bye to the other half of his paternal grand parents.
Breaks my heart that I have two exams next week, because I want to be there for him.
Selfish note: It makes me miss my Aunty Joan, who passed away early December 2007, sometimes its so easy to forget that she isn't in Melbourne, waiting for our next visit. She'd be so proud that I am about to graduate, again.
Note: A library named after Ri's Grand-ma.
http://www.libraries.slq.qld.gov.au/home/services/cassowary_coast/dorothy_jones_library
Suddenly in comparison to his Grand-dad.
I not so secretly believe that they needed each other and find the idea of passing away within a couple of months of your other half... romantic? Lacking a better word.
I think its nice to know two strong and intelligent people still needed someone else.
Maybe its the wedding planning that gets us thinking like this, because his grand-ma also smoked like a chimney and her lungs gave out.
No I still believe that after the death of his Grand-dad she just 'gave up.'
So Rhys is going back to Tully, to say good bye to the other half of his paternal grand parents.
Breaks my heart that I have two exams next week, because I want to be there for him.
Selfish note: It makes me miss my Aunty Joan, who passed away early December 2007, sometimes its so easy to forget that she isn't in Melbourne, waiting for our next visit. She'd be so proud that I am about to graduate, again.
Note: A library named after Ri's Grand-ma.
http://www.libraries.slq.qld.gov.au/home/services/cassowary_coast/dorothy_jones_library
Monday, October 20, 2008
"I'm passing you"
My CE told me yesterday morning that I have passed my final clinical placement. I just could not believe it. I was so happy/relieved that I burst into tears and even managed to get my CE teary. It just means SO much to me. Completing this degree in two years when 'normal' students drop out for a year, or drop subjects because the workload is so demanding, the idea that I could do this and they could not, is crazy for me.
I was pulled aside at my first clinical observation and told by a really unethical Speechie that I should have "seen a dr before starting my degree and should think about seeing someone before I got myself in to deep and wasted my time."
Now I will have her degree. Well sort of, she did the undergrad, so I'll have the masters version of her degree.
I shouldnt get ahead of myself, I have a report to write, a group thesis to work on (going great guns girls) and two exams to pass...
Yikes. Thats it?
Then I'm done at UQ?
I was pulled aside at my first clinical observation and told by a really unethical Speechie that I should have "seen a dr before starting my degree and should think about seeing someone before I got myself in to deep and wasted my time."
Now I will have her degree. Well sort of, she did the undergrad, so I'll have the masters version of her degree.
I shouldnt get ahead of myself, I have a report to write, a group thesis to work on (going great guns girls) and two exams to pass...
Yikes. Thats it?
Then I'm done at UQ?
Friday, October 17, 2008
Year number 24, Sept 2007-2008
So I am 24 years old now.
And what a waste of a year!
Well no not really, I guess I was doing my masters and Rhys did ask me to marry him.
Side note: I am so over people saying "Its about time", we were 19/20 when we started dating and 22/23 when he proposed, we were young, we are still young and thats why I insisted on a 2 year + engagement.
Anyway, the big things of my 24th year:
I guess it could be said that Ri and I only started living together "full time" in my 24th year, as prior to that he was on site 11 days of a fortnight.
I had an afternoon at the Regatta, after our final exam of 07, that resulted in me not being able to drink white wine since. *shutters*
We went to Melbourne and I experience my first O'D christmas. The most Christmas-y people on the planet.
Rhys asked me to marry him - twice.
I got to pick a diamond ring from Tiffany's.
We looked at many beautiful reception venues before deciding on the most perfect place for us and our history as UQ students.
I went to a wedding on the 08/08/08.
My father had heart problems and was in hospital for a while.
I was in a car accident and my neck still fricking cains.
I had two fantastic clinical placements and two that I could easily have lived without.
I did a full 180 on my career path. Adults, out. Children with disabilities, in.
I figured out that I do want to have children one day. Just not for a few years, think 2014.
My best friend told me she was pregnant, and is expecting a girl in Feb.
So I'm one month into year number 25, and it is scary. It looks like I am going to graduate this year. I know that is why I started this blog, but I cannot believe it.
Next week is our last week of classes, our thesis is due and clinic comes to an end.
I am going to cry, UQ has been a part of my identity for the past six years. It would have been interesting to have kept a blog during that whole time.
I said to mum the other day:
"I did pretty good from UQ, I got two degrees, one useful and a future husband, not bad at all"
And what a waste of a year!
Well no not really, I guess I was doing my masters and Rhys did ask me to marry him.
Side note: I am so over people saying "Its about time", we were 19/20 when we started dating and 22/23 when he proposed, we were young, we are still young and thats why I insisted on a 2 year + engagement.
Anyway, the big things of my 24th year:
I guess it could be said that Ri and I only started living together "full time" in my 24th year, as prior to that he was on site 11 days of a fortnight.
I had an afternoon at the Regatta, after our final exam of 07, that resulted in me not being able to drink white wine since. *shutters*
We went to Melbourne and I experience my first O'D christmas. The most Christmas-y people on the planet.
Rhys asked me to marry him - twice.
I got to pick a diamond ring from Tiffany's.
We looked at many beautiful reception venues before deciding on the most perfect place for us and our history as UQ students.
I went to a wedding on the 08/08/08.
My father had heart problems and was in hospital for a while.
I was in a car accident and my neck still fricking cains.
I had two fantastic clinical placements and two that I could easily have lived without.
I did a full 180 on my career path. Adults, out. Children with disabilities, in.
I figured out that I do want to have children one day. Just not for a few years, think 2014.
My best friend told me she was pregnant, and is expecting a girl in Feb.
So I'm one month into year number 25, and it is scary. It looks like I am going to graduate this year. I know that is why I started this blog, but I cannot believe it.
Next week is our last week of classes, our thesis is due and clinic comes to an end.
I am going to cry, UQ has been a part of my identity for the past six years. It would have been interesting to have kept a blog during that whole time.
I said to mum the other day:
"I did pretty good from UQ, I got two degrees, one useful and a future husband, not bad at all"
Monday, October 6, 2008
Last Month
In one month. I have my last exam.
Next week: Community Ed is due
The week after: thesis is due
Clinic finishes.
One week of swotvac and then two exams one on 4th of November the other on the 6th...
Next week: Community Ed is due
The week after: thesis is due
Clinic finishes.
One week of swotvac and then two exams one on 4th of November the other on the 6th...
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Last 'real' lecture
We had our last real lecture on Friday.
I wonder what the tally board of 'lectures Vic has missed or skipped' looks like. Over six years I can imagine I have missed hours and hours and hours of lectures.
To be honest it could add up to weeks straight of just lectures.
I get so fatigued, sick at least once a semester or have an attitude problem (do you really think that I'm doing to a lecture call "attitude to disability" and listen to you pretend like the attitude of people has really changed).
'sif.
I wonder if my class mates went to these lectures. If they did evidence of the inability to change peoples minds about treating people with "special needs" came, ever so tragically, when our lecturer could a poll of the room and asked who would treat someone with special needs differently if they had the same problem.
No. I clicked the second I had read the question.
80% of the class said yes.
My stomach just sank. Oh how easy it must be for them to say that when they do not know what it feels like to be labelled and treated differently for the same problem.
This was the first time my heart went out to this lecturer, as from her face, I could tell she felt she had failed in getting her message across.
The logic, you are different therefor, it is only logical to treat you differently. Way to strong in peoples mind sets.
I'm worried, as these people are health professionals.
I put my hand up and gave a (hopefully) passionate little rant as to why they should have said no. I think I heard someone asked to poll again after I had finished.
I wonder what the tally board of 'lectures Vic has missed or skipped' looks like. Over six years I can imagine I have missed hours and hours and hours of lectures.
To be honest it could add up to weeks straight of just lectures.
I get so fatigued, sick at least once a semester or have an attitude problem (do you really think that I'm doing to a lecture call "attitude to disability" and listen to you pretend like the attitude of people has really changed).
'sif.
I wonder if my class mates went to these lectures. If they did evidence of the inability to change peoples minds about treating people with "special needs" came, ever so tragically, when our lecturer could a poll of the room and asked who would treat someone with special needs differently if they had the same problem.
No. I clicked the second I had read the question.
80% of the class said yes.
My stomach just sank. Oh how easy it must be for them to say that when they do not know what it feels like to be labelled and treated differently for the same problem.
This was the first time my heart went out to this lecturer, as from her face, I could tell she felt she had failed in getting her message across.
The logic, you are different therefor, it is only logical to treat you differently. Way to strong in peoples mind sets.
I'm worried, as these people are health professionals.
I put my hand up and gave a (hopefully) passionate little rant as to why they should have said no. I think I heard someone asked to poll again after I had finished.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Twenty four! Twenty FOUR.
Next week I will be turning twenty four.
This casts my mind to that episode of sex and the city when Carrie turns 35 and at the table next to her there are twenty-somethings, they plop the cake down in front of the woman seated at that table when the she drunkenly screams, "25! FUCK I'm old"
Ha, you see. The point is that she isnt really old. Carrie is.
And I'm a whole year away from THAT anyway. And 11 years from 35.
I'm still young dammit. Although, to be honest I haven't felt 23 in months, I feel like I'm a couple of years older. I don't know why. I might be the whole finishing my Masters and planning to get married thing. I never planned to be married before I was 30. I will be 25 when I become Mrs Jones. FUCK, when I put it on the screen, that sounds so young. But I cannot imagine waiting any longer than 5 years to marry this annoyingly perfect man.
A uni friend of mine has recently become engaged at 37, she is the best, and I would not believe her when she said she was 37. She makes me feel so young.
I will have to do a reflection of the last year.
I remember telling some GEMS in the labs last year that I was turning 23 and that I felt old. They all took a minute to try to remember what they were doing when they were my age.
This year I feel young. Like I'm just about to start out as a 'real' adult.
I feel like my 25th year will be a dramatic one. Being 24, leaving uni, planning a wedding, did I mention leaving uni? Not that my twenty fourth year was lacking drama...
I really should feed Ky.
Night xoxo Vic
This casts my mind to that episode of sex and the city when Carrie turns 35 and at the table next to her there are twenty-somethings, they plop the cake down in front of the woman seated at that table when the she drunkenly screams, "25! FUCK I'm old"
Ha, you see. The point is that she isnt really old. Carrie is.
And I'm a whole year away from THAT anyway. And 11 years from 35.
I'm still young dammit. Although, to be honest I haven't felt 23 in months, I feel like I'm a couple of years older. I don't know why. I might be the whole finishing my Masters and planning to get married thing. I never planned to be married before I was 30. I will be 25 when I become Mrs Jones. FUCK, when I put it on the screen, that sounds so young. But I cannot imagine waiting any longer than 5 years to marry this annoyingly perfect man.
A uni friend of mine has recently become engaged at 37, she is the best, and I would not believe her when she said she was 37. She makes me feel so young.
I will have to do a reflection of the last year.
I remember telling some GEMS in the labs last year that I was turning 23 and that I felt old. They all took a minute to try to remember what they were doing when they were my age.
This year I feel young. Like I'm just about to start out as a 'real' adult.
I feel like my 25th year will be a dramatic one. Being 24, leaving uni, planning a wedding, did I mention leaving uni? Not that my twenty fourth year was lacking drama...
I really should feed Ky.
Night xoxo Vic
Rhys's Grand-Dad
Rhys's Grand-Dad died last weekend.
We were up in Tully in July, because he had come pretty close to death then, and I was almost convinced that he and Ri's grandma would live together in a home in Tully for a few more years. The funeral was today, Ri has gone and I feel helpless, I want to be by his side, like I wanted to be at my mum's side when her sister, my aunty, died last December. But this degree, this bloody degree, sometimes it has to come first. My stomach sinks when I think about not being there at these times and I hope that in the future I do not regret my decision to stay behind.
I'd only met Ri's Grand-dad twice, Christmas 06 and July 08. He seemed like a strong man with a massive presence, even though I only knew him as a man who had suffered a stroke years before meeting him, a stroke that cost him physical mobility. He was an engineer, like Ri's dad is an Engineer, like Ri is an Engineer.
When we went to visit in July, Ri's grand-dad wasn't anywhere near as lucid as he was when I first met him in December 06. But there was a moment, when we were saying goodbye for the last time, that always brings tears to my eyes. Ri's grand-dad shook Ri's hand and in a moment of lucidity said "It was good to know you mate."
The last thing my Aunty said to me was that I was smart not to be getting married just yet. Ah in some things she was just like her damn sister.
We were up in Tully in July, because he had come pretty close to death then, and I was almost convinced that he and Ri's grandma would live together in a home in Tully for a few more years. The funeral was today, Ri has gone and I feel helpless, I want to be by his side, like I wanted to be at my mum's side when her sister, my aunty, died last December. But this degree, this bloody degree, sometimes it has to come first. My stomach sinks when I think about not being there at these times and I hope that in the future I do not regret my decision to stay behind.
I'd only met Ri's Grand-dad twice, Christmas 06 and July 08. He seemed like a strong man with a massive presence, even though I only knew him as a man who had suffered a stroke years before meeting him, a stroke that cost him physical mobility. He was an engineer, like Ri's dad is an Engineer, like Ri is an Engineer.
When we went to visit in July, Ri's grand-dad wasn't anywhere near as lucid as he was when I first met him in December 06. But there was a moment, when we were saying goodbye for the last time, that always brings tears to my eyes. Ri's grand-dad shook Ri's hand and in a moment of lucidity said "It was good to know you mate."
The last thing my Aunty said to me was that I was smart not to be getting married just yet. Ah in some things she was just like her damn sister.
My dads heart
The week after the car accident, my father had a cardio-vascular event. My daddy, went to mums emergency department with chest pain. She got mad at him for showing up at her place of work. I gently tried to point out to her that her place of work is the local hospital and to me that presents as a perfectly logical place to go.
He spent a while in hospital, then this week received a thingy to help the blood pass by the partial blockage.
He has made a promise to me that he will lose weight in time for our wedding.
He will be within the normal range. I'm on his case like white on rice.
I love my daddy, and of my family members he is being the nicest and most interested in our wedding, which came as a bit of a shock, but I'm happy at least one of them gives a damn.
He spent a while in hospital, then this week received a thingy to help the blood pass by the partial blockage.
He has made a promise to me that he will lose weight in time for our wedding.
He will be within the normal range. I'm on his case like white on rice.
I love my daddy, and of my family members he is being the nicest and most interested in our wedding, which came as a bit of a shock, but I'm happy at least one of them gives a damn.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Car accident
On Friday, last week, I was driving along a windy road in St Lucia when a driver pulled out of their driveway to turn right. They didn’t see me, and as a result I drove head on into the side of their car. I had two passengers in the car with me. No one was hurt. Well except maybe me. The car was seriously damaged. I didnt actually see the damage myself, but from the drivers seat I saw the peoples faces when they saw the damage and judging by the looks it got, the damage was bad.
I had just turned a corner and was not going very fast as I was just speeding up, so my foot had been on the accelerator when I saw the car. I quickly swapped my foot to the breaks and just left my foot there until impact, which was so dumb. When we crashed I swear I felt the force of the impact in my foot and ankle. I went to my doctor who pointed out bruises and pains I did not know I had. I was in shock and in a state of panic. I cried, non-stop, for hours. For the first time in my life I had high blood pressure.
I’m still feeling on edge and even though I have a lot of support, I feel really alone and behind with my uni work. Before the accident I was just getting by week by week before. Now I feel overwhelmed. Because I have no obvious signs of injury or any broken bones, I feel like... It is hard to describe. I'm asking for consideration and extra time for something that people cannot see, which is pain. I have so much back and neck pain.
I’m in class right now and I just want to cry again.
The other “party” in the accident were good sports, they took full responsibility and seemed quite concerned about my health.
I miss my car. I miss it so much. I cannot take public transport so I am 100% depended on Rhys and my family for lifts to uni. It is so painful. I’m very greatful that they’ve taken the time to help me out, but I miss my independence.
I'm getting exhausted so quickly.
I feel so dizzy and overwhelmed after being at uni for about an hour.
I'm back at clinic again tomorrow. My CE has been very kind too, I am so worried about not reaching entry level.
I think I need to talk to her about it. I want to graduate more than I have ever wanted anything.
I have lost so much this week.
I had just turned a corner and was not going very fast as I was just speeding up, so my foot had been on the accelerator when I saw the car. I quickly swapped my foot to the breaks and just left my foot there until impact, which was so dumb. When we crashed I swear I felt the force of the impact in my foot and ankle. I went to my doctor who pointed out bruises and pains I did not know I had. I was in shock and in a state of panic. I cried, non-stop, for hours. For the first time in my life I had high blood pressure.
I’m still feeling on edge and even though I have a lot of support, I feel really alone and behind with my uni work. Before the accident I was just getting by week by week before. Now I feel overwhelmed. Because I have no obvious signs of injury or any broken bones, I feel like... It is hard to describe. I'm asking for consideration and extra time for something that people cannot see, which is pain. I have so much back and neck pain.
I’m in class right now and I just want to cry again.
The other “party” in the accident were good sports, they took full responsibility and seemed quite concerned about my health.
I miss my car. I miss it so much. I cannot take public transport so I am 100% depended on Rhys and my family for lifts to uni. It is so painful. I’m very greatful that they’ve taken the time to help me out, but I miss my independence.
I'm getting exhausted so quickly.
I feel so dizzy and overwhelmed after being at uni for about an hour.
I'm back at clinic again tomorrow. My CE has been very kind too, I am so worried about not reaching entry level.
I think I need to talk to her about it. I want to graduate more than I have ever wanted anything.
I have lost so much this week.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Right now, what sucks.
- Rhys is in NZ
- Rhys will be in NZ for another week and a bit
- Bro was suppose to stay here tonight and help me in the morning, but bailed while I was in a lecture
- the uni is changing my clinical placement four weeks into a 13 week semester
- you dont understand I HAVE TO START AGAIN
- new clinic
- new clinical educator
- I will just be getting settled when it will be time for my mid way evaluation
- I AM EXHAUSTED.
- But next week... I'll have some good news.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Our Engagement Party
I had a GREAT time at our engagement party, it was a beautiful day after a week of rain. I didn't even notice the weather until on Tuesday my friend asked "what will you do if it rains?" and I was like "huh???" It didnt even cross my mind that it would rain in July! haha. Wednesday-Friday was all crappy rainy cold weather and then on Saturday, we woke up to a clear blue sky. It was amazing.We went out of our way to make this party a little bit different.
We had a giant blank canvas that we drew squares on for people to paint in. (there were about 25 squares) people painted all sorts of things, from the backyard where we were holding the event, elephants, kittens, roses and a bundy can - its brillant and something we have to keep from our party as we asked people to donate to charity or give blood.
We had the groomsmen do a krispy kreme run. So the people could have donuts, which were REALLY popular. Krispy Kreme is new and in the city, so maybe lots of people hadnt tried them? They are so good!!! That went so quickly. Rhys put out two boxs, thinking he'd put out the others in a while. He turned around and the donuts were GONE. I was pleased with that.
We had a white-chocolate cake that was so good! It was white with the tiffany's blue writing on it. It tasted so good! and it was also eaten up pretty quickly.
We had a best man election, where the two guys who Rhys loves most in the world presented a one minute speech as to why they should be best man. Around 50 people voted, and the guy who won, won by one vote. It was a lot of fun and a bit different.
We had an anonymous advice box, where people could put in advice, either signed or not signed. My two favourites:
"Love is hugs" - Chole (my friends 3 y.o. daughter)
"For the Groom - 'Yes dear'" anon
My FMIL cried during her speech, and almost brought me to tears... I dont have a chance of getting through my wedding without crying.
My FFIL gave a beautiful speech about wishing us good luck... I wish I had it written down.
My dad, surprizingly, gave a nice speech too. I think he said we were good kids, who were taking their time to make an important/good decision. I was really touched.
I was told Rhys and I had to both give a speech to start this thing on equal footing... I hadn't prepared anything.
I couldn't believe Rhys said "Thank you for coming to help celebrate my love for Victoria" I almost fell flat...
I dont even remember what I said, winged it. I remember toasting Rhys at the end...
Notice anyone missing from the speeches?
Monday, July 28, 2008
Hanging in there
I have started my last semester.
Holy crap, after 15 semesters that is such a crazy concept I cannot even begin to believe it.
Graduation is set for the 12th of December 2008.
I had a tough semester last semester. I am really surprized that I made it through it.
This semester will be great.
I just have to get through the two weeks starting August 1st, when Rhys will be in NZ.
I have a fantastic clinical placement that really contrasts with the one I had last semester. My CE is really "old school" and is definately ethical and has all the time in the world to teach me about what she does.
We had our engagement party on the weekend, it was a beautiful day and a great party.
Got a bit sick of some of the "advice" we were receiving, but overall I felt loved.
Holy crap, after 15 semesters that is such a crazy concept I cannot even begin to believe it.
Graduation is set for the 12th of December 2008.
I had a tough semester last semester. I am really surprized that I made it through it.
This semester will be great.
I just have to get through the two weeks starting August 1st, when Rhys will be in NZ.
I have a fantastic clinical placement that really contrasts with the one I had last semester. My CE is really "old school" and is definately ethical and has all the time in the world to teach me about what she does.
We had our engagement party on the weekend, it was a beautiful day and a great party.
Got a bit sick of some of the "advice" we were receiving, but overall I felt loved.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Three years
The photo is the view from the restaurant that Rhys took me to for our anniversary. Did I mention the food was really good?
Anyway as I was saying, I cannot believe that I have not been single since I was 20. Before Rhys there never was any real boyfriends. I went from the girl who was always single, to this relationship that even from the beginning I could not see ever ending. He had my full attention from the very beginning, and when I realised that I had his too... I was really afraid at the beginning, he was the best person I knew and I didn't want him to see what my world was really like, because I just knew he would have to run away screaming.
I remember two weeks after he finally asked me out, I fell head first into the concret at this nans house. It was head first because I cannot stick my hands out to protect myself. Anyway they called an ambulance and I was in the ED and I just started to cry. I couldnt tell mum (because she didnt 'know' about 'us') but I was crying because it only took me two weeks to show him how fragile I was and that he was bound to start running.
He sat in the ED with me.
He drove me home.
He sat by my bed when I lost my vision.
He was nothing but caring.
Later I discover that he is to caring. I still need to teach him how to say no to people so he doesnt end up alone and starving at a marina on his birthday...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Our third anniversary
Ri and I have been dating for over three years now. On our anniversary (27.06.08) he took me to Alchemy, which is an amazing restaurant on the river at eagle st pier, next to Customs house. The view was great, we could see the story bridge and the river. We had three courses and Nitrogen Bombs, which is where they take honeycomb and different kinds of mousse and dip it into liquid nitrogen until it gets brittle, and then they tell you to put it into your mouth whole and steam comes out of your mouth and nose... too cool.
We've been dating since I was 20 and he was 19. We were so young! We still are so young...
We've been dating since I was 20 and he was 19. We were so young! We still are so young...
Monday, June 30, 2008
Results are out tomorrow.
Results are out tomorrow.
Results are out tomorrow.
Results are out tomorrow.
Ah crap.
I just really want my GPA to stay up around 5.5. That is all I want. A more realistic desire might be to just pass this semester.
I walked out on my last exam with a migraine. It was one of the most horrific things that has happened to me during an exam, I just keep seeing a lecturer in my mind that said that there is no point in trying to sit an exam if you feel like crap. So I put my hand up and signed all the papers, went and saw my GP and will be sitting the exam in mid July. I feel like such an idiot, like I should have been that good that I could do this exam while trying to see straight.
I felt weak more than anything else.
I still need to start the results section for our masters project. These holidays feel like they are flying by! I looked at a calender and went, ok I'll have this week off, study this week, sit the exam this week, then do the results... oh wait no, we'll be back by then for semester two.
I have a really bad feeling about semester 1 2008. I honestly cannot say confidently that I feel like I made it through... yuk.
Oh well, I'll let you know.
Results are out tomorrow.
Results are out tomorrow.
Ah crap.
I just really want my GPA to stay up around 5.5. That is all I want. A more realistic desire might be to just pass this semester.
I walked out on my last exam with a migraine. It was one of the most horrific things that has happened to me during an exam, I just keep seeing a lecturer in my mind that said that there is no point in trying to sit an exam if you feel like crap. So I put my hand up and signed all the papers, went and saw my GP and will be sitting the exam in mid July. I feel like such an idiot, like I should have been that good that I could do this exam while trying to see straight.
I felt weak more than anything else.
I still need to start the results section for our masters project. These holidays feel like they are flying by! I looked at a calender and went, ok I'll have this week off, study this week, sit the exam this week, then do the results... oh wait no, we'll be back by then for semester two.
I have a really bad feeling about semester 1 2008. I honestly cannot say confidently that I feel like I made it through... yuk.
Oh well, I'll let you know.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
One more hour
My final exam for this semester begins in about 1 hour and I am freaking out and I honestly dont know why. I dont think I even need to pass it to pass, its only worth 30%!
But I am just feeling physically sick and nervous. I keep trying to read the notes (just revision) and the adrenaline starts pumping and I cant think straight.
Good news: at this point in time 16 people are coming to our engagement party. We havent even set out the really invitations yet!
God I hope I pass all my exams, I really want to spend July chilling and indulging myself with a little bit of wedding research. I dont want to have to sit any supps.
I might have to for ANY of the exams I have sat! I have come out of all of them thinking...
Okay... WTF... I think I have the right answer but...
was it clear?
was it enough?
should I have memorised more literature?
I am beating myself up so much about my performance this semester.
As long as I get through this semester and next semester, I will be a speechie and that is all that matters.
But I am just feeling physically sick and nervous. I keep trying to read the notes (just revision) and the adrenaline starts pumping and I cant think straight.
Good news: at this point in time 16 people are coming to our engagement party. We havent even set out the really invitations yet!
God I hope I pass all my exams, I really want to spend July chilling and indulging myself with a little bit of wedding research. I dont want to have to sit any supps.
I might have to for ANY of the exams I have sat! I have come out of all of them thinking...
Okay... WTF... I think I have the right answer but...
was it clear?
was it enough?
should I have memorised more literature?
I am beating myself up so much about my performance this semester.
As long as I get through this semester and next semester, I will be a speechie and that is all that matters.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
One more day
In 24 hours I will be sitting my last ever final exam for a semester one. Unless I need to resit *taps wood.* My mood has changed dramatically today. They were giving away free V's at the main refect. How could that not cheer someone up from a mean case of the reds? V!
Ok, I gotta study psycholinguistics.
One more exam!
Then a month of intense wedding planning :P so I end up with two years of just waiting. hahaha.
Ok, I gotta study psycholinguistics.
One more exam!
Then a month of intense wedding planning :P so I end up with two years of just waiting. hahaha.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Penultimate exam season
So here it is. My second last lot of final exams. Not extremely afraid of failing, not expecting to do fantastically either. I got a bit sick of speech pathology this semester. Sick of all the fluff. "Evidence Based Practice" my left foot. My CE's attitude and example wasnt great. I went to some lectures and sat there thinking. So what? No der. Get me the hell out of here.
So... do I want to be a speechie?
Absolutely.
Then what is wrong?
I feel like I'm missing something. I feel like everyone else in my class is one step ahead all the time. I feel like I contribute nothing to any projects, even when I do. I feel like my RA is an issue at every clinical placement, most places have been great about it, some have made me feel like nothing short of a waste of space. My passion and drive was slowly drained out of me when every week I had the feeling I was getting told that I lack the core skills that make a good speech pathologist. I dont want to study anymore I just want to cry.
I'm exhausted.
I'm stressed.
I'm sad.
and honestly I dont know what to do with myself.
And Rhys wonders why I want to start planning the wedding. Its become my happy place.
I've decided its probably just this semester and next semester it will be a fresh start with new educators and the finish line will be in sight.
This time next year I will be helping people! and making money! It seems impossibly far away...
So... do I want to be a speechie?
Absolutely.
Then what is wrong?
I feel like I'm missing something. I feel like everyone else in my class is one step ahead all the time. I feel like I contribute nothing to any projects, even when I do. I feel like my RA is an issue at every clinical placement, most places have been great about it, some have made me feel like nothing short of a waste of space. My passion and drive was slowly drained out of me when every week I had the feeling I was getting told that I lack the core skills that make a good speech pathologist. I dont want to study anymore I just want to cry.
I'm exhausted.
I'm stressed.
I'm sad.
and honestly I dont know what to do with myself.
And Rhys wonders why I want to start planning the wedding. Its become my happy place.
I've decided its probably just this semester and next semester it will be a fresh start with new educators and the finish line will be in sight.
This time next year I will be helping people! and making money! It seems impossibly far away...
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
My "Study"
I’m sitting in my study, which I never use because its either to hot or to cold, and the desk is to small and can just hold a lap top and a printer. I’m looking around at my book collection and wondering what they say about me.
Text book of pediatric Rheumatology by Cassidy and Petty, kind of stands out from the other texts books, it doesn’t quite belong with visual perception and an introduction to social psychology. I remember trying to read that big text when I was in grade four. I was so determined to read the whole thing. I wanted to understand what was wrong with me, that way maybe I could fix it. I always was a weird one. I read about one chapter.
I have four text books with anatomy in the title, and there is another in the lounge room. My biggest is just titled BIOLOGY, it is the worst text book I have ever brought.
I can never bring myself to throw away these books, or to sell them. I mean who knows when Kandel, Schwartz and Jessell’s Principles of Neural Science will come in handy when I get some QLD Ed job next year dealing with kiddies with problems saying /s/.
Our fiction collection has a lot of Steven King, I went through a Steven King phase which stopped suddenly about 1/3rd of the way through CELL. I stole Nineteen Eighty-Four from my mother, I’ve made two attempts at reading it, I just like to have it around because I was born in 1984.
There is evidence that I went through a Japanese phase (just before going to Japan) with Memoirs of a Geisha and Princess Masako.
There is the book that I read in Japan, Rhys bought it for me in Sydney, it’s called Know it All, it’s about a man who reads the encyclopedia (all of it), I was believing everything he said until he reached S and talked about how Stuttering starts in the parents ears and not in the childs speech. Man that made me so mad, and damn did Rhys hear about it.
There is my Harry Potter collection, a favourite in this house.
So that’s my study. And my printing is done.
Text book of pediatric Rheumatology by Cassidy and Petty, kind of stands out from the other texts books, it doesn’t quite belong with visual perception and an introduction to social psychology. I remember trying to read that big text when I was in grade four. I was so determined to read the whole thing. I wanted to understand what was wrong with me, that way maybe I could fix it. I always was a weird one. I read about one chapter.
I have four text books with anatomy in the title, and there is another in the lounge room. My biggest is just titled BIOLOGY, it is the worst text book I have ever brought.
I can never bring myself to throw away these books, or to sell them. I mean who knows when Kandel, Schwartz and Jessell’s Principles of Neural Science will come in handy when I get some QLD Ed job next year dealing with kiddies with problems saying /s/.
Our fiction collection has a lot of Steven King, I went through a Steven King phase which stopped suddenly about 1/3rd of the way through CELL. I stole Nineteen Eighty-Four from my mother, I’ve made two attempts at reading it, I just like to have it around because I was born in 1984.
There is evidence that I went through a Japanese phase (just before going to Japan) with Memoirs of a Geisha and Princess Masako.
There is the book that I read in Japan, Rhys bought it for me in Sydney, it’s called Know it All, it’s about a man who reads the encyclopedia (all of it), I was believing everything he said until he reached S and talked about how Stuttering starts in the parents ears and not in the childs speech. Man that made me so mad, and damn did Rhys hear about it.
There is my Harry Potter collection, a favourite in this house.
So that’s my study. And my printing is done.
Monday, May 19, 2008
My Surgeon
I’ve loved them since my hips were made of bone!
Current mood: contemplative
I, unlike any normal 23 year old, have a favourite surgeon, the best surgeon in the whole wide world. He is like a cuddley teddy bear, who seems tough, but I know he is a big softy and that he loves me.
The photo is my post-op after my bilateral knee replacements, Rhys, Katie, Locki and Mardy brought me in this mask, mum got bored after they had left and put it on me, knowing full well I was in a position where I would not be able to get it off... Naturally she took a photo.
I know she's nuts, but she didnt leave my side once. She slept in a chair next to my bed.
It has been six years and eight months (exactly since its the second) since I had my first hip (the right one) replaced. Almost seven years. It makes me feel sick in the stomach just thinking about it, how time has flown by. The worse part of it, is that these hips of mine are only expected to be good for around 15 years.
That seemed like so much time when I was 14. Which is when I decided to have this done. But now? 15 years feels like nothing.
Do I really only have 8 more years of good functioning hips?
I feel this hanging over my head. What do I want to get done in this time? What will life be like when they finally give in? Will I be stuck in a wheelchair again?
Despite the draw backs, this by far is the best decision I have ever made in my life. I would never have lasted at UQ, it was hard enough when I could walk. So I would not have spent all that time at UQ with Rhys, we wouldn't have fallen in love and I wouldnt have found speech pathology... My entire life is a result of that one decision.
On the day of the second of Feb 2001 I was the most scared I have ever been in my entire life. I was 16 and a half, sitting in a hospital room, in the surgery get up (gown and cap). When the magnitude of the situation hit me, I only told one of my friends, because I was embarrassed about having a piece of surgery associated with older people (I just loooove the comments like 'oh my grandma had that done'- just kick me in the shins instead, I'd prefer that). Anyway I felt so alone and overwhelmed. They were about to open me up, remove the top of my femur, and HAMMER A MENTAL ROD into it.
I started to cry, tears of fear and tears brought on by the fact that this was my reality. While my friends were sitting in their first classes for grade 11, enjoying their decisions, to talk in class, to ignore the teacher, to ask x to the formal... here I was.... having a hip replacement.
I didnt tell anyone because I knew no one could related to what I was about to go through. I couldnt bear having them even try to relate to it (Grandma comments here I come!).
When I came out of surgery, I felt, I dunno, heavier at my right hip and oh the pain was evil, I had a 30 cm scar held together with 30+ staples. and I had two drains coming out of my thigh. I remember being determined to be back at school asap.
Maybe no one would notice?
Unfortunately my friend told the school's pastor... who prayed for me in front of the entire school... I was in a bit of trouble for not telling my other friends.
I named the soft bear my bought me Physics, a reminder that I had shit to do and couldnt waste time in bed 'recovering.'
So I pushed my self.
Get out of bed.
Walk down the hall.
Walk around the ward.
Do it now, you're 16, not 80.
You're female, we can handle pain.
After 6 days I decided that it was time to go home.
Now people usually spend 30 days in hospital for this surgery. I infact set a record for the shortest stay. A record that was beaten only by my next stay for my left hip.
A week after that I was back at school, sitting in the audience during parade, when the whole school got together on Wednesday mornings, our grade 11 coordinator said a prayer for me to get out of hospital soon... I laughed, it was great. He saw me in maths later that day, he just gave me this amazed look... that was great too.
Other teachers didnt understand the magnitude of the surgery...
One even asked if it was key hole surgery...
The problem there I think is that I made it look easy.
I used to be worried about my scars... I was embarrassed... but now I dont notice them...
If I had the choice, I'd do it again.
Our First "date"
October 10th, five years ago (almost six years ago), I was getting ready for my very first date with Rhys Jones.
Our highschool formal.
We were friends, who had known each other for about a year and to this day I still only have theories as to why he decided to take me. I have never been silly, I knew there were a couple of other girls wishing to accompany Mr Jones to the biggest event of our final year at school.
From what I recall two asked through friends, and he said no because he didnt know them. One asked him, while telling me that I should ask him, so we ended up suggesting it to him on the same day. I think she was thinking if she had two people ask him, he would be in a situation where he needed to make a decision and she could easily take me. I will always remember the way one girl spoke as though she was already going with him, and her friend was going with someone too... they both looked at me and one said 'who could Vicky go with?' (said in all seriousness) and they proceded to list out some names and laughed... haha very funny... no one wants to go with the girl in the wheelchair. (I know it is a tragic cliche to harbour sore feelings from highschool... and I don't... I just enjoy writing what happened next. Its like a real life fairytale).
This drama with the other girls was mostly forgotten on the night, except when the girl who spoke as though she was already going with him asked to borrow him for some photos. I smiled and said yes and thought 'delicious.'
Anyway back to this time tomorrow five years ago, I had just arrived home from having my hair and makeup done, and had put on my dress that made me feel like a princess, with a tiara and all. I put on the perfume that mum and I had bought in Paris. I loved my nails, I loved my makeup and hovered in and out of the bathroom checking my makeup. I almost freaked when some mascarra brushed from my lashes to my cheek. I was waiting for Stef to show up with her camara (I really only wanted her there because she was repeating grade 11, but I could never go to my formal without seeing her) absolutely praying she would show up before Rhys so I'd have someone to talk to. Someone normal. Someone who's persence on this day was expected and I knew exactly why they were showing up... Why did he pick me? Stef did show up first, which calmed me right down. I didnt think then, but I know it was hard for her to show up that day...
He showed up with his mum and sister Clare, lucky Clare was organised or else he wouldnt have had one of those flowers that men put in there pockets. I remember him bending down on his knees and putting on the Wrist Corsage, it felt like it took forever... with everyone watching... it was like we were a display at the zoo or something...I was so embarrassed! We had photos done and left in mums van to Sarah's place where we would catch a limo.
Mum has a big old white van, that she leant us for the night. So with Rhys driving, in his top hat, and me in the front passenger seat wearing my princess dress and tiara, feeling really out of place... off we went. I would have liked to have passed us on the road... it would have looked rediculous.
We headed towards Sarah's place. Being a lady I waited until we had definately passed a certain point at least twice, before accusing my date of being an idiot, lost and asking him where were the directions he said he had... in his school bag... ok.
So I had to call a hysterical Sarah and ask for directions to Skips and tried to keep her calm, all the while cursing Rhys for not admitting he was lost and for driving so he didnt have to call Sarah ("you cant drive and talk on the phone").
We showed up late, there was
Skip and Carl,
Sarah and Mardy
and Rhys and I.
And Rhys, myself and Skip were late to Sarah's place. Now Sarah, being crazy, had booked the limo to come so early that, even though three of us were over a half hour late, we were still way early to the formal itself.
The limo driver was a bit cranky, despite Mardy's pragmatic efforts to keep him in a conversation. So the six of us stood infront of the limo, skulled some pink wine, had some photos taken and hopped in.
17/18 year olds in a limo is a great thing. Mission: where is the TV? was a failure, but all in all it was a fun trip.
When we arrived, we walked around the area where the drinks and snacks with the families would take place, while Rhys was trying to master linking arms with me with one arm and swirling his cane with the other, as we walked an old friend of mine (male) came up and said to me: "you look so much better than I ever thought you could". Ouch. A teacher who'd known me well since grade 8 came up and said "I barely recognised you, you look amazing." That's better.
I remember sitting at the side of the room and, as I was getting up, a man whom I had never seen before offered me a hand up, I was so scared, he looked like the monopoly man... I got away from him as fast as possible and hid near my daddy. The top hat that monopoly man was wearing really should have been the clue to what I later found out... he was Rhys' father.
His family didn't even know me but they still insisted that I be in the family photo... years later it was weird to see, when I went to his nan's house to have dinner, there I was on display... she's had a photo of me since 2002, next to all the other photos of her grandchildren.
When it came to seating at dinner: We still blame a certain couple (who will remain nameless) for taking our spot at a table with all the couples we would hang out with at lunch. I was asked if I wanted to sit with some girlfriends I knew who were dateless or leaving their dates for dinner to sit at all girl table, but I decided to sit with Rhys, resulting in me being the only girl at a table of 10. It was fun, I've always enjoyed the company of boys, I think they're funny and less work than girls.
Rhys and I picked on each others edicate, 'no conducting at a dinner table' and he did all the gentlemanly things, like pulling out my chair and making sure I had water (or did I have to kick him under the table to get him to fill my glass?...I cant recall).
My eyes weren't really on Rhys all that much, but I can tell you Matt ate Shanes entree.
We only danced together for one song, Vitamin C's graduation song. I remember he whispered to me something like 'So this is it?' I ignored him, because I couldnt think of anything to say back.
I remember hoping that we would be friends after highschool, I knew we were applying for the same university, I hoped we'd still be friends because I had had a great time with him, I felt comfortable around him and he made me feel safe. But most of all, he made me feel normal. We would be friends after this, we'd have to be...
after all he chose me
Our highschool formal.
We were friends, who had known each other for about a year and to this day I still only have theories as to why he decided to take me. I have never been silly, I knew there were a couple of other girls wishing to accompany Mr Jones to the biggest event of our final year at school.
From what I recall two asked through friends, and he said no because he didnt know them. One asked him, while telling me that I should ask him, so we ended up suggesting it to him on the same day. I think she was thinking if she had two people ask him, he would be in a situation where he needed to make a decision and she could easily take me. I will always remember the way one girl spoke as though she was already going with him, and her friend was going with someone too... they both looked at me and one said 'who could Vicky go with?' (said in all seriousness) and they proceded to list out some names and laughed... haha very funny... no one wants to go with the girl in the wheelchair. (I know it is a tragic cliche to harbour sore feelings from highschool... and I don't... I just enjoy writing what happened next. Its like a real life fairytale).
This drama with the other girls was mostly forgotten on the night, except when the girl who spoke as though she was already going with him asked to borrow him for some photos. I smiled and said yes and thought 'delicious.'
Anyway back to this time tomorrow five years ago, I had just arrived home from having my hair and makeup done, and had put on my dress that made me feel like a princess, with a tiara and all. I put on the perfume that mum and I had bought in Paris. I loved my nails, I loved my makeup and hovered in and out of the bathroom checking my makeup. I almost freaked when some mascarra brushed from my lashes to my cheek. I was waiting for Stef to show up with her camara (I really only wanted her there because she was repeating grade 11, but I could never go to my formal without seeing her) absolutely praying she would show up before Rhys so I'd have someone to talk to. Someone normal. Someone who's persence on this day was expected and I knew exactly why they were showing up... Why did he pick me? Stef did show up first, which calmed me right down. I didnt think then, but I know it was hard for her to show up that day...
He showed up with his mum and sister Clare, lucky Clare was organised or else he wouldnt have had one of those flowers that men put in there pockets. I remember him bending down on his knees and putting on the Wrist Corsage, it felt like it took forever... with everyone watching... it was like we were a display at the zoo or something...I was so embarrassed! We had photos done and left in mums van to Sarah's place where we would catch a limo.
Mum has a big old white van, that she leant us for the night. So with Rhys driving, in his top hat, and me in the front passenger seat wearing my princess dress and tiara, feeling really out of place... off we went. I would have liked to have passed us on the road... it would have looked rediculous.
We headed towards Sarah's place. Being a lady I waited until we had definately passed a certain point at least twice, before accusing my date of being an idiot, lost and asking him where were the directions he said he had... in his school bag... ok.
So I had to call a hysterical Sarah and ask for directions to Skips and tried to keep her calm, all the while cursing Rhys for not admitting he was lost and for driving so he didnt have to call Sarah ("you cant drive and talk on the phone").
We showed up late, there was
Skip and Carl,
Sarah and Mardy
and Rhys and I.
And Rhys, myself and Skip were late to Sarah's place. Now Sarah, being crazy, had booked the limo to come so early that, even though three of us were over a half hour late, we were still way early to the formal itself.
The limo driver was a bit cranky, despite Mardy's pragmatic efforts to keep him in a conversation. So the six of us stood infront of the limo, skulled some pink wine, had some photos taken and hopped in.
17/18 year olds in a limo is a great thing. Mission: where is the TV? was a failure, but all in all it was a fun trip.
When we arrived, we walked around the area where the drinks and snacks with the families would take place, while Rhys was trying to master linking arms with me with one arm and swirling his cane with the other, as we walked an old friend of mine (male) came up and said to me: "you look so much better than I ever thought you could". Ouch. A teacher who'd known me well since grade 8 came up and said "I barely recognised you, you look amazing." That's better.
I remember sitting at the side of the room and, as I was getting up, a man whom I had never seen before offered me a hand up, I was so scared, he looked like the monopoly man... I got away from him as fast as possible and hid near my daddy. The top hat that monopoly man was wearing really should have been the clue to what I later found out... he was Rhys' father.
His family didn't even know me but they still insisted that I be in the family photo... years later it was weird to see, when I went to his nan's house to have dinner, there I was on display... she's had a photo of me since 2002, next to all the other photos of her grandchildren.
When it came to seating at dinner: We still blame a certain couple (who will remain nameless) for taking our spot at a table with all the couples we would hang out with at lunch. I was asked if I wanted to sit with some girlfriends I knew who were dateless or leaving their dates for dinner to sit at all girl table, but I decided to sit with Rhys, resulting in me being the only girl at a table of 10. It was fun, I've always enjoyed the company of boys, I think they're funny and less work than girls.
Rhys and I picked on each others edicate, 'no conducting at a dinner table' and he did all the gentlemanly things, like pulling out my chair and making sure I had water (or did I have to kick him under the table to get him to fill my glass?...I cant recall).
My eyes weren't really on Rhys all that much, but I can tell you Matt ate Shanes entree.
We only danced together for one song, Vitamin C's graduation song. I remember he whispered to me something like 'So this is it?' I ignored him, because I couldnt think of anything to say back.
I remember hoping that we would be friends after highschool, I knew we were applying for the same university, I hoped we'd still be friends because I had had a great time with him, I felt comfortable around him and he made me feel safe. But most of all, he made me feel normal. We would be friends after this, we'd have to be...
after all he chose me
Older blog from MySpace
04 Dec 2007
Aunty Joan
Current mood: miserable
On the 11th of August I put up a blog about my Aunty. She's been sick for a while. On Sunday the 25th of November, I was playing guitar hero III (I had just beaten the devil on Easy) and I got a phone call from mum, the content went something like "Aunty Joan is back in hospital she is on ventilation, she overdosed." All I could think was this was different from the previous times.
On the Tuesday I cried in the library while researching the PLS4.
On the Wednesday mum called to say she was flying down to Melbourne the next morning.
On the Friday mum called to say she was getting better on her own after minimal medication.
On the Sunday mum called in the morning and told Rhys that my Aunty had died in the night on Saturday. I heard the phone ring, I knew who it was, I knew what had happened, I pretended to be asleep when Rhys stuck his head in the door. I got up 20 minutes later and silently had breakfast while trying to brace for the news Rhys had to give. He told me so gently that I would have laughed at his use of language if I hadn't been crying. We went to lunch at his mum's place, when I told his mum and Clare, they were so lovely. Rhys's mum was great, she's like a second mum to me. She gives great hugs. She told Rhys to take good care of me and give me extra cuddles.
Mum called again Sunday night. She didnt think Rhys could ever tell me such bad news. She told me that since arriving in Melbourne she had done for Aunty Joan what she has done for me so many time before during my hospital stays. She grabs a chair and sits by the bed. Only leaving to get food or go to the bathroom. She'll eat in the chair, sleep and read books. Its good to know that mum was with my Aunty when she died, apparently mum was reading, looked up and the machines showed that Aunty Joan had died.
Mum explained that during her stay Aunty Joan was awake at some stage, but had had a stroke, so she couldn't speak. Mum had taken a photo of me and Addie on Aunty Joans porch from when we were younger, mum says showing this to her had made her laugh.
Mum promised to find me something of Aunty Joans that I can keep. If its a ring or necklace, I'll keep in with my Grandma's white gold ring (mum's mum, she died when I was 7).
Mum said to be strong and not send flowers or anything like that, flowers just die too. Pledger-Dennys are strong.
I'm trying to be strong, I feel worse for my mum, she's lost both parents and both sisters.
My Aunty was so different to my mum, mad as a cut snake, a trouble maker if you will. Married 3 times and finally deciding to stay not married to her defacto that I know as Uncle Gavin. On my last visit she adviced Rhys and I to stay not married too. She grew pot in the backyard. She spoilt us. She had a fashionable womanly way about her that mum will never have, she knew makeup and clothes and hair. She was asked to give me direction when I wouldn't listen to mum. Her home was decorated in mostly black and white with some red. She had a dog named Ninja. She had two daughter and a grandchild.
I think she was proud of me.
I think she liked Rhys, who she got to meet in August. I'm so glad she got to meet him. If it was not for my cousins 21st, they never would have met. Its hard enough to think that she wont ever be at my wedding, shaking her head and calling me an idiot.
My Aunty has been pretty unwell for years, about 5 years ago she spoke to me about her and Uncle Gavin driving to QLD in their yellow Ferrari. She said she'd bring just one summer dress and drive up with the hood of the car down. She got pretty sick not long after saying that. She never did get to QLD.
Aunty Joan
Current mood: miserable
On the 11th of August I put up a blog about my Aunty. She's been sick for a while. On Sunday the 25th of November, I was playing guitar hero III (I had just beaten the devil on Easy) and I got a phone call from mum, the content went something like "Aunty Joan is back in hospital she is on ventilation, she overdosed." All I could think was this was different from the previous times.
On the Tuesday I cried in the library while researching the PLS4.
On the Wednesday mum called to say she was flying down to Melbourne the next morning.
On the Friday mum called to say she was getting better on her own after minimal medication.
On the Sunday mum called in the morning and told Rhys that my Aunty had died in the night on Saturday. I heard the phone ring, I knew who it was, I knew what had happened, I pretended to be asleep when Rhys stuck his head in the door. I got up 20 minutes later and silently had breakfast while trying to brace for the news Rhys had to give. He told me so gently that I would have laughed at his use of language if I hadn't been crying. We went to lunch at his mum's place, when I told his mum and Clare, they were so lovely. Rhys's mum was great, she's like a second mum to me. She gives great hugs. She told Rhys to take good care of me and give me extra cuddles.
Mum called again Sunday night. She didnt think Rhys could ever tell me such bad news. She told me that since arriving in Melbourne she had done for Aunty Joan what she has done for me so many time before during my hospital stays. She grabs a chair and sits by the bed. Only leaving to get food or go to the bathroom. She'll eat in the chair, sleep and read books. Its good to know that mum was with my Aunty when she died, apparently mum was reading, looked up and the machines showed that Aunty Joan had died.
Mum explained that during her stay Aunty Joan was awake at some stage, but had had a stroke, so she couldn't speak. Mum had taken a photo of me and Addie on Aunty Joans porch from when we were younger, mum says showing this to her had made her laugh.
Mum promised to find me something of Aunty Joans that I can keep. If its a ring or necklace, I'll keep in with my Grandma's white gold ring (mum's mum, she died when I was 7).
Mum said to be strong and not send flowers or anything like that, flowers just die too. Pledger-Dennys are strong.
I'm trying to be strong, I feel worse for my mum, she's lost both parents and both sisters.
My Aunty was so different to my mum, mad as a cut snake, a trouble maker if you will. Married 3 times and finally deciding to stay not married to her defacto that I know as Uncle Gavin. On my last visit she adviced Rhys and I to stay not married too. She grew pot in the backyard. She spoilt us. She had a fashionable womanly way about her that mum will never have, she knew makeup and clothes and hair. She was asked to give me direction when I wouldn't listen to mum. Her home was decorated in mostly black and white with some red. She had a dog named Ninja. She had two daughter and a grandchild.
I think she was proud of me.
I think she liked Rhys, who she got to meet in August. I'm so glad she got to meet him. If it was not for my cousins 21st, they never would have met. Its hard enough to think that she wont ever be at my wedding, shaking her head and calling me an idiot.
My Aunty has been pretty unwell for years, about 5 years ago she spoke to me about her and Uncle Gavin driving to QLD in their yellow Ferrari. She said she'd bring just one summer dress and drive up with the hood of the car down. She got pretty sick not long after saying that. She never did get to QLD.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Time to sound like a prat...
Hi! I havent blogged in ages. I've just been so busy with uni and procrastinating on facebook that I havent really done anything worth blogging about.
Until yesterday, when Rhys and I went shopping for the engagement ring. Which is currently in a vault in Tiffany's in the city. I know its such a wankerish place to get an engagement ring, but it is seriously the most beautiful thing I have ever put on. Ever.
I tried on some different styles, had a mini stroke when they said the three stone ring cost about the same as what I paid for my brand new Suzuki in 2002, so we stuck on a single stone ring.
I tried on round diamonds and princess cut and even though I thought I would hate the square diamond, I fell head over heels for the princess cut.
And then Rhys bought it, in the most wreckless act I have ever seen him do. (I thought he was leaning towards getting one made with a slightly smaller diamond).
At least I know when we are married he will never ever say, "man I wish I had bought you the bigger one."
God even this blog is a bit wankerish, isn't it?
At least I know when I'm being a wanker.
I just don't think I could be any happier. It's like physically impossible or something.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Missing Clinic
I went and saw the dr yesterday, who was nice enough to give me one of those certificate things. and I am so glad he did.
Last night, after the usual slave-away-til-10pm-on-resources-for-the-next-day, I took the resources to my clinic partner, so she could do my session, and I was feeling ok. Thinking to myself, maybe I could go to clinic. Oh so very wrong. When we got home I felt really tired, but I was so uncomfortable and cough-y that I could not fall asleep. The last time I looked at the clock it was 4am, and I woke up at midday with a spliting headache and a killer cough.
So here I am, at home, like I have been all week. I have a bad feeling Rhys is going to come home tired and I think he may have finally caught this bug. But we both need a social life so we are going to this house warming party tonight - dammit!
I might go check out some wedding websites.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Cough, cough, cough, cough
Man I feel like crap.
I stayed home today, even tho we were suppose to be starting queries for our masters project, but the coughing is just ridiculous. I've had an almost temperature for the last couple of days (37.4 dagnamit, if I'm going to be sick, give me a good temperature, something I can measure).
I dont want to miss clinic, but I cannot go like this. I'll pass out, cough all over the kids, it'll be terrible.
Ok I'm off to pass out on our luxury couch... mmmm
xoxo Vic
I stayed home today, even tho we were suppose to be starting queries for our masters project, but the coughing is just ridiculous. I've had an almost temperature for the last couple of days (37.4 dagnamit, if I'm going to be sick, give me a good temperature, something I can measure).
I dont want to miss clinic, but I cannot go like this. I'll pass out, cough all over the kids, it'll be terrible.
Ok I'm off to pass out on our luxury couch... mmmm
xoxo Vic
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Sick, dying and throwing away the bad
Oh man, my uni mates have been sick over the last 2 weeks and I think I finally may have caught whatever it is that they have had.
My throat is killing me and argh! the coughing. Didnt get much sleep because of it.
Add to that, that Rhys is away until tomorrow - god damn I hate his work, they should have put him on a flight TONIGHT, but no. He flies home tomorrow! What if we had been planning to go to a dawn service for ANZAC day? They are such pricks.
I spent today cleaning up my place, trying to make room to be excited about a wedding. I was involved in such a massive wedding, that defines weddings for me, that I had to cleanse my life from anything I had from that event. I donated that damn bridesmaid dress to a charity. I feel renewed and grateful, now I can start again.
I have no energy to plan clinic. Rhys helps me so much that life just gets so much more difficult when he is away. haha becoming co-dependent on an engineer, dumbest idea ever. I worry about the future sometimes, they need to work out on site, its just the way it is. I couldnt deal with him being in a different country for weeks at a time. I look back and cannot believe how well I did with him away 11 days out of 14 for 9 months last year. I also love that he is an engineer, he is so smart, I'm crazy proud of how good is it at his job. At least he calls me every single night he is away. Without fail. Damn I miss that idiot.
My throat is killing me and argh! the coughing. Didnt get much sleep because of it.
Add to that, that Rhys is away until tomorrow - god damn I hate his work, they should have put him on a flight TONIGHT, but no. He flies home tomorrow! What if we had been planning to go to a dawn service for ANZAC day? They are such pricks.
I spent today cleaning up my place, trying to make room to be excited about a wedding. I was involved in such a massive wedding, that defines weddings for me, that I had to cleanse my life from anything I had from that event. I donated that damn bridesmaid dress to a charity. I feel renewed and grateful, now I can start again.
I have no energy to plan clinic. Rhys helps me so much that life just gets so much more difficult when he is away. haha becoming co-dependent on an engineer, dumbest idea ever. I worry about the future sometimes, they need to work out on site, its just the way it is. I couldnt deal with him being in a different country for weeks at a time. I look back and cannot believe how well I did with him away 11 days out of 14 for 9 months last year. I also love that he is an engineer, he is so smart, I'm crazy proud of how good is it at his job. At least he calls me every single night he is away. Without fail. Damn I miss that idiot.
Monday, April 21, 2008
good distractions
Hey!
Yay for this engagement. Its nice to have something else going on other than uni.
erghk last week was the worst! We had 3 assignments due in a clinic mid-way assessment all in the same 7 days. and I was so afraid that I would be marked as being at risk of failing clinic, because the week before hand my CE had said to me that it seemed like my partner was taking over because she felt I couldnt do the session. OUCH.
But I had an opportunity to run a session on my own and it seems like my CE is beginning to get where I am coming from. My biggest problem is that I am a quiet worker. As students we seem to need to broadcast everything we do, to me that just seems exhausting.
Anyway onto wedding stuff.
We're trying to find a ceremony and reception venue in the Brisbane/St Lucia region.
I'm pretty fussy.
I'll write more this week now that everything has been handed in and that there is no clinic thing week. Woooo.
Yay for this engagement. Its nice to have something else going on other than uni.
erghk last week was the worst! We had 3 assignments due in a clinic mid-way assessment all in the same 7 days. and I was so afraid that I would be marked as being at risk of failing clinic, because the week before hand my CE had said to me that it seemed like my partner was taking over because she felt I couldnt do the session. OUCH.
But I had an opportunity to run a session on my own and it seems like my CE is beginning to get where I am coming from. My biggest problem is that I am a quiet worker. As students we seem to need to broadcast everything we do, to me that just seems exhausting.
Anyway onto wedding stuff.
We're trying to find a ceremony and reception venue in the Brisbane/St Lucia region.
I'm pretty fussy.
I'll write more this week now that everything has been handed in and that there is no clinic thing week. Woooo.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Phone call with mum
This is a continuation from last week, so on Saturday the 29th Rhys proposed. On the Sunday I came to the decision that I needed to tell my mum, asap, or else I would go crazy.
I will always remember this conversation:
We were in the car heading to Montville from Mapleton and, with my stomach in a knot/ball I dialed my parents’ number. I was fully expecting dad to answer as mum is always at work and dad always answers,
“Hello?” said my mum
“Shit...” I said
“Hello?”
“Hi mum! How are you?”
“Huh? Hello?”
“Hi mum! How are you going?”
“Are you ok? Where are you?”
“Oh I’m still in Montville.”
“is everything ok? What have you been up to?”
Awkward pause, phone half cuts out as we drive through the mountains...
“hello?”
“Ok so I went on a 1.2 km walk today”
“are you ok?”
“err yeah and yesterday we walked up and down main st in Montville, bought some candy and tea and when we got back to the cottage Rhys asked me to marry him” all said insanely rushed.
“I knew it!”
“I knew it! I was telling everyone at work – that he was going to propose, you just ask them I told at least five of them. You said no right?”
“Of coarse I did”
“Good girl.”
“Can I tell dad?”
“I told him yesterday, he asked if you were coming around this weekend and I said that he was taking you to Montville to propose”
“Can I tell him it is official”
“He’s not home. You said yes didn’t you?”
“Yes”
“Wait until you’re 26”
“I was thinking winter 2010, we’ll both be 25 and I’ll almost be 26”
“That’s ok, I can live with that. Congratulations, I am happy for you”
(she may have gone on to call Rhys an idiot...)
I will always remember this conversation:
We were in the car heading to Montville from Mapleton and, with my stomach in a knot/ball I dialed my parents’ number. I was fully expecting dad to answer as mum is always at work and dad always answers,
“Hello?” said my mum
“Shit...” I said
“Hello?”
“Hi mum! How are you?”
“Huh? Hello?”
“Hi mum! How are you going?”
“Are you ok? Where are you?”
“Oh I’m still in Montville.”
“is everything ok? What have you been up to?”
Awkward pause, phone half cuts out as we drive through the mountains...
“hello?”
“Ok so I went on a 1.2 km walk today”
“are you ok?”
“err yeah and yesterday we walked up and down main st in Montville, bought some candy and tea and when we got back to the cottage Rhys asked me to marry him” all said insanely rushed.
“I knew it!”
“I knew it! I was telling everyone at work – that he was going to propose, you just ask them I told at least five of them. You said no right?”
“Of coarse I did”
“Good girl.”
“Can I tell dad?”
“I told him yesterday, he asked if you were coming around this weekend and I said that he was taking you to Montville to propose”
“Can I tell him it is official”
“He’s not home. You said yes didn’t you?”
“Yes”
“Wait until you’re 26”
“I was thinking winter 2010, we’ll both be 25 and I’ll almost be 26”
“That’s ok, I can live with that. Congratulations, I am happy for you”
(she may have gone on to call Rhys an idiot...)
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Montville 28-31st March 2008
Hi,
What a weekend!
On Friday we headed up to Montville (forgetting my delicious wine, mind you) to spend a weekend in a cottage in an advocado garden. It was beautiful.
On the Friday, the first thing we did, was go to a winery and buy some wine for me to sip (I think I had 3 glasses over the whole weekend - I dont think we finished a bottle between us, but hey, we're just not big drinkers). We took our wine to the cottage and just chilled out on the nice-but-not-as-nice-as-ours couch. We ended up at the lovely place called Zana's for dinner (yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum). Seriously, if you're ever in Montville, go to Zana's.
On the Saturday, we got out of bed at about 10, and managed to get out of the cottage and head into Montville by about 12. We bought some candles for Earth Hour, some spicey chocolate liqueur called "Dragons crap" (great if you LOVE chili). We had lunch overlooking the view to the ocean. We spent a few hours looking at the shops, ending up with a collection of tea, lollipops and fudge. We then went back to the cottage with stuff from IGA to make our dinner.
When we got back to the room, I was on the couch, wearing my peasents dress, sucking on a sour apple lollipop when Rhys disappeared to out of site. When he came back into the lounge room, he stood infront of me, reached into his back pocket, kneeled down on one knee (at which point I think I either protested or made some sound resembling no, I think I said "...But I'm sucking on a lollipop" - I'll ask Rhys) and then he said "Victoria Louise Denny will you marry me..." and I said "yes" and got mascara all over his face.
I have a temporary ring I've called Jr. I get the real thing on June 27th (our 3 year anniversary).
We had vegetarian sandwiches for dinner and participated in Earth Hour.
On the Sunday we went down to the Lake and had sandwiches, fruit and fudge, while naming the different birds after the first country/state/city that came to mind when we saw it. There was a bush turkey I named Germany, a little birdy I called Belgium and a duck called Kentucky.
We went for a random drive, that led us to a random park, where we decided to go on an impromptu 1.2 km walk through rainforest.
After the physical torture, we figured it was about time we call our parents and some of our friends to let them know about the engagement. My next blog: the phone call with mum.
What a weekend!
On Friday we headed up to Montville (forgetting my delicious wine, mind you) to spend a weekend in a cottage in an advocado garden. It was beautiful.
On the Friday, the first thing we did, was go to a winery and buy some wine for me to sip (I think I had 3 glasses over the whole weekend - I dont think we finished a bottle between us, but hey, we're just not big drinkers). We took our wine to the cottage and just chilled out on the nice-but-not-as-nice-as-ours couch. We ended up at the lovely place called Zana's for dinner (yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum). Seriously, if you're ever in Montville, go to Zana's.
On the Saturday, we got out of bed at about 10, and managed to get out of the cottage and head into Montville by about 12. We bought some candles for Earth Hour, some spicey chocolate liqueur called "Dragons crap" (great if you LOVE chili). We had lunch overlooking the view to the ocean. We spent a few hours looking at the shops, ending up with a collection of tea, lollipops and fudge. We then went back to the cottage with stuff from IGA to make our dinner.
When we got back to the room, I was on the couch, wearing my peasents dress, sucking on a sour apple lollipop when Rhys disappeared to out of site. When he came back into the lounge room, he stood infront of me, reached into his back pocket, kneeled down on one knee (at which point I think I either protested or made some sound resembling no, I think I said "...But I'm sucking on a lollipop" - I'll ask Rhys) and then he said "Victoria Louise Denny will you marry me..." and I said "yes" and got mascara all over his face.
I have a temporary ring I've called Jr. I get the real thing on June 27th (our 3 year anniversary).
We had vegetarian sandwiches for dinner and participated in Earth Hour.
On the Sunday we went down to the Lake and had sandwiches, fruit and fudge, while naming the different birds after the first country/state/city that came to mind when we saw it. There was a bush turkey I named Germany, a little birdy I called Belgium and a duck called Kentucky.
We went for a random drive, that led us to a random park, where we decided to go on an impromptu 1.2 km walk through rainforest.
After the physical torture, we figured it was about time we call our parents and some of our friends to let them know about the engagement. My next blog: the phone call with mum.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I'm going away for the weekend
Hey!
I'm going up to Montville this weekend, for a romantic getaway with Rhys. I think I may have mentioned it, but I just started packing this morning and I am really excited. Three days of just hanging out with Rhys, wearing summer dresses and sipping red wine from 10am til bed.
Might go to Lush in the city, http://www.lush.com.au/catalog/home.php, I love this place ever since Rhys' cousin Sarah bought me two bath bombs for christmas 06. They are the best. (Thanx Sarah!)
We have a bottle of red from a place up the coast that uses no perservatives. I'll dig up the brand and post it - I tastes great and wine usually gives me a headache, but this stuff - yum.
I'm getting my eyes done down stairs at Brazilian Beauty (a package that focuses on the eyebrows and eyelashes) so I feel pretty and less like the blob that has a moontan.
I'm feeling so relaxed already.
I cannot wait for this weekend.
I'm going up to Montville this weekend, for a romantic getaway with Rhys. I think I may have mentioned it, but I just started packing this morning and I am really excited. Three days of just hanging out with Rhys, wearing summer dresses and sipping red wine from 10am til bed.
Might go to Lush in the city, http://www.lush.com.au/catalog/home.php, I love this place ever since Rhys' cousin Sarah bought me two bath bombs for christmas 06. They are the best. (Thanx Sarah!)
We have a bottle of red from a place up the coast that uses no perservatives. I'll dig up the brand and post it - I tastes great and wine usually gives me a headache, but this stuff - yum.
I'm getting my eyes done down stairs at Brazilian Beauty (a package that focuses on the eyebrows and eyelashes) so I feel pretty and less like the blob that has a moontan.
I'm feeling so relaxed already.
I cannot wait for this weekend.
Monday, March 24, 2008
What I am doing right now
Hello you!
I'm at my laptop, about to hit my head against something really, really hard, because I cannot find anything relavent for the changes our delightful (she really is delightful) supervisor wants us to make. Changes to our Ludwig's Angina assignment to include more about dysphagia.
Nobody in the medical world gives a hooey about dysphagia, hell I did a biomedical degree and swallowing didnt come up once, the larynx wasnt mentioned in anatomy. We rank so low, it's funny.
And time spent drudging through literature feels like time lost.
But my whiteboard says today is Ludwig's and clinic day.
I finished week one of my clinic group, I'm very proud of my activities. I hope my Clinical Educator likes it. I'll be so crushed if she doesnt, I put a lot of work into that thing.
What else am I doing? Eating two minute noodles with hot nandos sauce and watching interview with the vampire (loves it).
Better get back to drudging.
I'm at my laptop, about to hit my head against something really, really hard, because I cannot find anything relavent for the changes our delightful (she really is delightful) supervisor wants us to make. Changes to our Ludwig's Angina assignment to include more about dysphagia.
Nobody in the medical world gives a hooey about dysphagia, hell I did a biomedical degree and swallowing didnt come up once, the larynx wasnt mentioned in anatomy. We rank so low, it's funny.
And time spent drudging through literature feels like time lost.
But my whiteboard says today is Ludwig's and clinic day.
I finished week one of my clinic group, I'm very proud of my activities. I hope my Clinical Educator likes it. I'll be so crushed if she doesnt, I put a lot of work into that thing.
What else am I doing? Eating two minute noodles with hot nandos sauce and watching interview with the vampire (loves it).
Better get back to drudging.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Holidays
I am so happy that this week off has come early. I've got a little timetable happening to get all of my stuff done so I can spend a romantic weekend away next weekend in Montville with Ri.
Life is just, so, you know, draining that we both need a break.
Granted i am on the internet blogging and he is on the Wii playing Zelda.
This semester has done nothing to increase my desire to want to be a speechie. The subjects, whilst interesting are just not making me think *hmmm, now I cant wait to get home and read more about that*
I cant get over it almost being April.
We start running our clinic groups on in April for FCD and stopping. I'm a bit disappointed we didnt get a language group too.
I better go do something productive.... maybe make a sandwich.
Life is just, so, you know, draining that we both need a break.
Granted i am on the internet blogging and he is on the Wii playing Zelda.
This semester has done nothing to increase my desire to want to be a speechie. The subjects, whilst interesting are just not making me think *hmmm, now I cant wait to get home and read more about that*
I cant get over it almost being April.
We start running our clinic groups on in April for FCD and stopping. I'm a bit disappointed we didnt get a language group too.
I better go do something productive.... maybe make a sandwich.
Monday, March 17, 2008
skipping class
Ok so I am skipping class at the moment.
Only because the lecturer explained to us in this class yesterday that:
"when you collect a large enough sample and do testing, the results come out in a bell shape curve..."
shock
horror
when did I go back in time to 2000? Grade 10? and why does GLC look like my uni?
I think you get the point.
The content of the subject is interesting... they are just taking us way to far back to basics.
So here I am, avoiding getting my stuff organised. Using the pain in my back and ankles as a pathetic excuse not to get up and do what must be done.
Better go,
Vix
Only because the lecturer explained to us in this class yesterday that:
"when you collect a large enough sample and do testing, the results come out in a bell shape curve..."
shock
horror
when did I go back in time to 2000? Grade 10? and why does GLC look like my uni?
I think you get the point.
The content of the subject is interesting... they are just taking us way to far back to basics.
So here I am, avoiding getting my stuff organised. Using the pain in my back and ankles as a pathetic excuse not to get up and do what must be done.
Better go,
Vix
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Continuing reflections
Sem 2 2007
I had this one amazing client last year that I have to mention. I can’t say much about how they ended up in a Voice clinic despite having a language disorder, but I was glad I had the chance to work with this individual. They had a pragmatics (social use of language) disorder. Having a conversation with them was like trying to talk to a shy stone hiding in a cave... In the first session I set aside 20 minutes of conversational assessment *us talking*, and by the end of it I was fidgeting and almost willing to give out my PIN if that would have her participate. In the last session, we had a 20 m conversation after I set aside only 10 minutes for a reassessment. All I did was went through how to have a conversation, step by step, every week. We even watch bits of Sweet Home Alabama. The part where he proposed in Tiffany’s just for funsies. Other bits to analyse conversations. I enjoyed that clinic placement, I felt like I had a lot of input into the directions I went with my clients.
I had this one amazing client last year that I have to mention. I can’t say much about how they ended up in a Voice clinic despite having a language disorder, but I was glad I had the chance to work with this individual. They had a pragmatics (social use of language) disorder. Having a conversation with them was like trying to talk to a shy stone hiding in a cave... In the first session I set aside 20 minutes of conversational assessment *us talking*, and by the end of it I was fidgeting and almost willing to give out my PIN if that would have her participate. In the last session, we had a 20 m conversation after I set aside only 10 minutes for a reassessment. All I did was went through how to have a conversation, step by step, every week. We even watch bits of Sweet Home Alabama. The part where he proposed in Tiffany’s just for funsies. Other bits to analyse conversations. I enjoyed that clinic placement, I felt like I had a lot of input into the directions I went with my clients.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Tomorrow
Great. Its 1am, I have to be in the clinic in less than 8 hours, but I cannot sleep.
I'm overwhelmed by a restless sense of stress. I just want a good nights sleep.
Tomorrow, or more accurately today is our screening day in the clinic. 3-4 clients, 30 minutes each. We need to do:
- one brief intro/case history
- artic survey
- RAPT
- on spot 'diagnosis'
- send the child home with homework.
Panic Much?
Is it possible? Yes. Will it be done right? We have a trained speechy watching our every move, we couldnt screw up if we wanted to. Yet still I lie in bed, restlest. I just really need a mini break.
I was so cool and calm this arvo, but then BOOM, clinic just dawned on me when I was printing my clinical contract.
I had such a good time at my last placement.
Why am I so restless??!
I'm overwhelmed by a restless sense of stress. I just want a good nights sleep.
Tomorrow, or more accurately today is our screening day in the clinic. 3-4 clients, 30 minutes each. We need to do:
- one brief intro/case history
- artic survey
- RAPT
- on spot 'diagnosis'
- send the child home with homework.
Panic Much?
Is it possible? Yes. Will it be done right? We have a trained speechy watching our every move, we couldnt screw up if we wanted to. Yet still I lie in bed, restlest. I just really need a mini break.
I was so cool and calm this arvo, but then BOOM, clinic just dawned on me when I was printing my clinical contract.
I had such a good time at my last placement.
Why am I so restless??!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
The reason why I'm blogging in the first place
So I noticed that in my portfolio there is a section in the back that says "Reflections"
Now while I have been doing heaps of reflecting, its just not getting written done. So here are a couple of my experiences, with confidentiality in tact.
Semester One, 2007:
My first client, a little boy with phonological problems. My first crushing experience with homework being set and not done, resources been made and given to the client just to have them disappear, and the most crushing: having the client not show up for 3 sessions. 2 without prior warning. I reflect on this and now know of the importance of education of the parents. Explaining explicitly WHY I am 'playing games' with their child.
My partner had this amazing little boy who drew a picture of a dinosaur, then explained to me, that from this picture we would use it as a guide to help us build it with blocks. This child was 3. I'll always remember that.
Now while I have been doing heaps of reflecting, its just not getting written done. So here are a couple of my experiences, with confidentiality in tact.
Semester One, 2007:
My first client, a little boy with phonological problems. My first crushing experience with homework being set and not done, resources been made and given to the client just to have them disappear, and the most crushing: having the client not show up for 3 sessions. 2 without prior warning. I reflect on this and now know of the importance of education of the parents. Explaining explicitly WHY I am 'playing games' with their child.
My partner had this amazing little boy who drew a picture of a dinosaur, then explained to me, that from this picture we would use it as a guide to help us build it with blocks. This child was 3. I'll always remember that.
Monday, March 10, 2008
It must be recess
School Kids. They're always on campus, I was at the bakery, when one of the kiddies (I'm talking highschool kids) looked at the line that had surged since about, oh 10 to the hour, and said "Oh it must be recess"
I'm way too tired to write anymore than that. Funny School Kids!
I'm way too tired to write anymore than that. Funny School Kids!
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Procrastination
I'm going to regret using that title so soon. I was, I had every intention of working on the introduction of the masters project yesterday. Instead Ri and I decided we were bored so we went up to Redcliffe instead and walked my brothers puppy and played my Mo's new Wii. I so want a Wii.
If I procrastinate for just another 2 hours, then I'll have to start getting ready for the twins 4th birthday party... but then our intro is 'due' this week and atm... its ok, not great....
I better stop procrastinating.
xoxo Vix
If I procrastinate for just another 2 hours, then I'll have to start getting ready for the twins 4th birthday party... but then our intro is 'due' this week and atm... its ok, not great....
I better stop procrastinating.
xoxo Vix
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Thursday
Holly Golightly: Thursday! It can't be! It's too gruesome!
Paul Varjak: What's so gruesome about Thursday?
Holly Golightly: Nothing, except I can never remember when it's coming up.
Most normal people hate Monday's. I like Monday, and Tuesday (even tho most Tuesdays dont feel like a Tuesday to me. Every week I think, ar it cant be only Tuesday?! Surely it's Friday) Wednesdays are just Wednesdays, barely even register. but Thursday? Thursday is a mission. Struggle to get to uni... the day when you just want to throw in the towel and give up. No normal person can get thru a Thursday without chemical assistance (be it coffee, V, coke - either kind, speed).
So this Thursday Mo comes over, and the poor thing is just exhausted. Mo has to deal with alot, her sister (my aunty) died last december, I have RA, she's building a house and F-I-N-A-L-L-Y leaving dad this year (only to move back in with dad for 6m-12m next year when she lends the house she is building to Ri and I).... so understandably today she had a mean case of the reds. This is why I looked up quotes from Breakfast at Tiffany's in the first place.
Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul Varjak: Sure.
Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!
I love that quote, it's so true. Also that and I've never really related the blues to a feeling of any real seriousness. It's just a bit of a cliche. But the reds?! argh how powerful is that image!?!
Anyway, back on point, it's such a Thursday thing to crack under all the pressure in your daughters kitchen. Poor thing. All I could do was give her a hug and go to class. Should have taken her to Tiffany's. Though that would have made me happy, not her. She's not big on jewelry.
FRIDAY tomorrow. First day of ANOTHER artic/language clinic... sweet.
Paul Varjak: What's so gruesome about Thursday?
Holly Golightly: Nothing, except I can never remember when it's coming up.
Most normal people hate Monday's. I like Monday, and Tuesday (even tho most Tuesdays dont feel like a Tuesday to me. Every week I think, ar it cant be only Tuesday?! Surely it's Friday) Wednesdays are just Wednesdays, barely even register. but Thursday? Thursday is a mission. Struggle to get to uni... the day when you just want to throw in the towel and give up. No normal person can get thru a Thursday without chemical assistance (be it coffee, V, coke - either kind, speed).
So this Thursday Mo comes over, and the poor thing is just exhausted. Mo has to deal with alot, her sister (my aunty) died last december, I have RA, she's building a house and F-I-N-A-L-L-Y leaving dad this year (only to move back in with dad for 6m-12m next year when she lends the house she is building to Ri and I).... so understandably today she had a mean case of the reds. This is why I looked up quotes from Breakfast at Tiffany's in the first place.
Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul Varjak: Sure.
Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!
I love that quote, it's so true. Also that and I've never really related the blues to a feeling of any real seriousness. It's just a bit of a cliche. But the reds?! argh how powerful is that image!?!
Anyway, back on point, it's such a Thursday thing to crack under all the pressure in your daughters kitchen. Poor thing. All I could do was give her a hug and go to class. Should have taken her to Tiffany's. Though that would have made me happy, not her. She's not big on jewelry.
FRIDAY tomorrow. First day of ANOTHER artic/language clinic... sweet.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Tired
Oh I am so over my masters project and we havent even finished the introduction yet.
And we thought it would be so easy.
Right now, It's 1:20am, I got out of bed at midnight, after giving up on ever getting any sleep tonight. I'm just so overwhelmed at the moment, I dont actually feel like I'm getting anything done. at the same time... err we havent even really started the semester yet either. not by normal degree standards anyway.
With this research project that is about to get messy and stray from our nice neat little timeline.
Clinic starting on Friday (S is going to be so sick of me, we're in two groups and clinic together)
Clinic sounds like its artic and language on crack (thats my way of saying, they sound like they expect a lot)
I cannot help but be a little disappointed, I thought we would be doing swallowing and adult neurological communication disorders. but we're with kids. again. doing artic and language. again.
OK, I can feel bed calling me, and I'm ready to try this sleep thing again. cheers, Vix
And we thought it would be so easy.
Right now, It's 1:20am, I got out of bed at midnight, after giving up on ever getting any sleep tonight. I'm just so overwhelmed at the moment, I dont actually feel like I'm getting anything done. at the same time... err we havent even really started the semester yet either. not by normal degree standards anyway.
With this research project that is about to get messy and stray from our nice neat little timeline.
Clinic starting on Friday (S is going to be so sick of me, we're in two groups and clinic together)
Clinic sounds like its artic and language on crack (thats my way of saying, they sound like they expect a lot)
I cannot help but be a little disappointed, I thought we would be doing swallowing and adult neurological communication disorders. but we're with kids. again. doing artic and language. again.
OK, I can feel bed calling me, and I'm ready to try this sleep thing again. cheers, Vix
Monday, March 3, 2008
Burn Out
Hi, so today we had a lecture on burning out in our first year of work post uni.
Symptoms include:
Sadness (no)
Anger (yes)
Frustration (YES)
Tension (YESS)
Anxiety (YES!!!)
Depression (no)
Forgetfulness (HELL YES)
suspiciousness (why would that be?)
Paranoia (not yet)
and it's only week two.
I haven't been sleeping well lately. (note to self: must buy a book on good grammar)
I'm so tired, anxious and excited. I cannot wait to start clinic, as that is what keeps me going every semester. I've got another hospital placement (I'm going to be paranoid about maintaining confidentiality) I love being placed outside of uni, I feel like I'm being assessed ALL THE TIME when I'm in the uni clinic.
Since this the entry two here is more about me:
I've had JRA (juvenil rheumatoid arthritis) since I was two years old. It's severe, in every joint except for the ones that I have had replaced (hips and knees). I have two wheelchairs (powerchair and manual w/c). I have never known life without it.
OK more from me later this week...
Symptoms include:
Sadness (no)
Anger (yes)
Frustration (YES)
Tension (YESS)
Anxiety (YES!!!)
Depression (no)
Forgetfulness (HELL YES)
suspiciousness (why would that be?)
Paranoia (not yet)
and it's only week two.
I haven't been sleeping well lately. (note to self: must buy a book on good grammar)
I'm so tired, anxious and excited. I cannot wait to start clinic, as that is what keeps me going every semester. I've got another hospital placement (I'm going to be paranoid about maintaining confidentiality) I love being placed outside of uni, I feel like I'm being assessed ALL THE TIME when I'm in the uni clinic.
Since this the entry two here is more about me:
I've had JRA (juvenil rheumatoid arthritis) since I was two years old. It's severe, in every joint except for the ones that I have had replaced (hips and knees). I have two wheelchairs (powerchair and manual w/c). I have never known life without it.
OK more from me later this week...
Sunday, March 2, 2008
My last year
I've been going to UQ for five years. I started at 18, and when I graduate I will be 24. There went my late teens/early twentys.
I'm doing my Masters in Speech Pathology.
I'll vent here. But right now? Nuts to it Grey's Anatomy is on....
I'm doing my Masters in Speech Pathology.
I'll vent here. But right now? Nuts to it Grey's Anatomy is on....
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